


Team Bonding

by Tricksterwinchester



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Flashbacks, Flirting, Fluff, Loki's an Avenger, Nightmares, PTSS, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Team Bonding, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Torture, Violence, and a therapist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:13:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21586444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tricksterwinchester/pseuds/Tricksterwinchester
Summary: Reader has been has been an Avenger for about six months. Sick of the tension in the team with everyone living in the tower after the events of Civil War, she decides it's time to do something about it.
Relationships: Tony Stark/Reader
Comments: 20
Kudos: 72





	1. Time Heals All Wounds?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing any form of fanfiction so sorry if it's crappy.

You slowly blink your eyes open, bringing a hand up to block the sun. _ Eugh... should have shut the blinds. _ You stretch, cringing as your spine clicks. Frowning, you sit up. Usually the view from your window was a welcome sight, an apartment overlooking New York from this height isn't exactly common, however you're not normally greeted by it first thing in the morning. 

You've been part of the Avengers for about six months now. Ever since they'd found you, trying to break out of a Hydra base that they themselves had been trying to break into. You'd been found in a ball on the floor, hands up defensively, pushing away a Hydra agent. Hearing your screams, the team had charged in to save you, but soon found the noise wasn't coming from you. You recoiled, pulling your hands back, the agent dropped to the floor clutching his chest.

If it hadn't been for the fact that you were in some kind of hospital gown, bare foot, with a terrified look in your eye as you stared at your shaking hands, you doubt they would have been so kind to you. However they decided, thankfully, to bring you back with them. To help you learn to control the powers forced upon you. They helped you adjust to the real world and even allowed you to stay in Avengers Tower with them. It didn't take long for Tony to set about designing you a whole floor. He did his best to tailor it specifically to you, adding bits here and there the more he got to know you. Even adding the small library you found yourself in this morning. He had insisted it was nothing more than a few books and a couple of comfy chairs, certainly nothing to rave about, but it quickly became your favourite place to escape anytime things started to overwhelm you.

Running your fingers over your giant fluffy bean bag you search for your book. Finding it on floor, you quickly scan the pages to decipher where you'd reached before falling asleep and pop your bookmark in. _ Better be social today I suppose. _ You begin to sleepily trudge towards the elevator, making your way up to the communal floor for breakfast, dropping the book by your bed en route. 

As soon as elevator doors open you're hit with a sweet smell that you instantly recognize. You inhale deeply, your heart warming, knowing Thor must have already started making you banana pancakes. He had taken to cooking since the team started living together, he knew everyone's favourites and had seemed to anticipate your arrival. You greet him with a warm smile and a hum of appreciation as you perch at the island. He hands you a plate that you quickly pile high, covering it with syrup as Loki glides past. You startle slightly as a mug of coffee magically appears next to your food. You beam, looking up to see Loki stifle his small smile, acting as though nothing had happened. _ These guys are a literal God send. _

As the morning drags on the rest of the team begin filtering in. However a clear divide soon begins to form between those choosing to sit in the kitchen and those simply walking through to sit in the lounge. You'd been told all about the enormous bust up between Steve and Tony, you had drawn information from various members of the group in an attempt to get a clear view of what happened. You'd been hoping everyone would slowly be drawn back together and the team would heal itself. _ So much for time heals all wounds. I can't stand this much longer, It's pretty clear this isn't going to happen without at least a nudge in the right direction. _ The tension is suffocating. Treading on eggshells is exhausting and frankly you're sick of it. 

"OK, enough is enough!" you exclaim, jumping up from your seat. Drawing concerned gazes from your fellow avengers, who begin exhanging confused looks as you race out of the room, head straight to the elevator and back to your own floor. You quickly start rummaging around your bedroom; throwing your bedding to the end of the bed, moving piles of books and papers scattering them over your desk, accidentally pushing the dvds Wanda had insisted you watch to the floor. _Shit._ cursing under your breath you bend down to make sure you haven't broken any of them. Stacking them safely on the shelf above your desk, you pause running your fingers lightly over your small collection of model classic cars. _ I really need to remember to ask Tony if he ever found that 68 Mustang. _ You shake your head slightly, snapping yourself out of your thoughts to resume your search. "Finally!" You exhale, pulling your phone out from the pocket of the jeans you had left on the floor last night, in favour of your most comfortable pyjamas.

"What _ are _ you doing, Rogue??" You turned to see Tony, leaning against the door frame with an amused smirk on his face. You roll you eyes. _ What is it with Tony and his facination with nicknames? _ You follow his gaze to the mess all over your floor. _ Jeez, he must think i'm such a slob. _ The Mustang flashes through your mind. _ Not now, I can ask him about that later. _ You flash him a grin and rush passed him into the bathroom to make a phone call in private. 

You splash water on your face, grab the towel and dry off. You nod at your reflection, happy with the plan you've set in motion. _ God i hope they go for this. _ You open the door to leave the bathroom. The sight of your teammates dotted about your room surprises you. _ Trust Nat to make the bed before she sits on it. _ You suppress a smile and casually walk past them, back into the elevator and up to the lounge as if nothing had happened. You try not to laugh as they trip over each other, rushing to follow you in search of an explaination. They stare at you as you drop onto the couch picking up the remote to flick through the channels. 

"Y/N!" They chorus. You can't hold it in any longer, looking at their increasingly frustrated faces, you laugh. 

"Alright, alright. Sit down then" you gesture toward the other sofas, once again they all practically fall over each other in order to get a decent seat. They look like children, splayed over the sofas or sat cross legged on the floor beaming up at you expectantly. 

"I've planned us a team bonding day and before you interrupt!" you rush giving Tony a pointed glance causing him to close his mouth, silencing him before he even has a chance to begin. 

"There will be no arguments, Tony and Steve, you're team captains. There will be curveballs throughout the day so choose your teams wisely." You're practically bouncing with excitement despite recieving far less enthusiasm from everyone else. 

"Oh come on guys! I'm fed up of the atmosphere around here. You're all either moping about or hostile towards each other. I know it's not exactly been easy with everything that's happened, but at the end of the day we need to be able to function as a team or we may as well call it quits." You look around at each of them trying to force them to agree, varying your expression from puppy dog eyes to a hardened glare tailored to each of them individually. 

Steve brakes first._ Ha! I knew it, good ol' reliable Steve._ He had been a sucker for the puppy dog eyes as long as you'd known him. He sighs rubbing a hand over his face, he looks as tired of the tension as you feel. 

"O.K fine, I'm in. I can only assume that Tony will be picking first." You flinch slightly._ It's frosty but it's a start._

"Like it matters if I pick first," Tony snaps hotly, "we all know who you're going to choose over everyone else." He's clearly seething, but you know he's being considerably more restrained than he'd like to be. Bucky shrinks into his corner, seemingly trying to vanish entirely. _For such a large man he has a remarkable ability for making himself look small when he wants to. _

"O.K! So Tony gets first pick! Go on then!" You interrupt, feigning cheeriness in an attempt to diffuse the situation before it becomes a bigger issue. Tony sighs before he begrudgingly relents. 

"I'll take Y/N." Throwing a subtle smile and a quick wink to you. You blush, surprised to say the least, you had fully expected him to choose Bruce first. _So much for the science bros._ You don't have time to dwell on it long, Steve quickly follows, shyly muttering Bucky's name. It yo-yos back and forth between them until the teams end with, Bruce, Wanda, Thor and Yourself on Tony's team and Bucky, Nat, Clint and Loki with Steve. 

“Why, might I ask, am I being dragged into this, while Vision gets to stay out of it?” Loki protests, you can tell he's pissed at having been forced into this. As much as he likes to pretend he cares nothing for anyone present, you know it's a front. A sheild to protect himself, just incase everyone's acceptance of him on the team is suddenly taken away.

"You are part of this team now Loki, whether you wish to acknowledge it or not. You WILL be taking part, end of discussion.” You shut him down, softening the blow with a warm smile. He instantly backs down. He hides his smirk by rolling his eyes and holding up his hands in surrender. 

“And as for Vision,” you continue, “he's the only one here who has made any effort at all to bring this team together. He has no issues with anyone and vice versa. I don't think he needs to go, but if you want to come Vis, you're more than welcome." Vision meerly smiles and shakes his head to show he wont be attending.

_ Thank God Loki backed down so quickly, that could have been a lot worse if he'd decided to throw a fit. _ You love having Loki in the tower, he was the first real friend you made. New to the team you had found yourself drawn to him, intimidated by the strength of the friendships the others already had. The first few days the two of you meerly sat in silence while the others chatted around you. You'd just about gathered the courage to actually try and speak to him when you found him reading alone, as you approached he passed you a book without looking up from his own. You'd never been more thankful for such a simple gesture. 

It didn't take long for him to open up to you. After you asked him about something you had read in a Norse mythology book you had dug out of the library, he began teaching you Asguardian history. Mostly by correcting the apparently enormous inaccuracies found in your books. He began lending you stories he thought you'd enjoy, leading to long debates and the occasional friendly argument about character motives and plot twists. You never saw them coming, he always did. You blamed your lack of experience with reading and his old age, claiming he must have read almost every concievable plot by now so he was essentially cheating. The debates over books morphed into debates about what food to get while you both read in your tiny library. 

While some of the others worried about your so called arguments, you'd never seen Thor happier. He told you that until you arrived, Loki had kept himself strictly on the outside of the team. He hadn't trusted anyone, nor felt comfortable enough to even allow himself argue back. When you had asked Loki about it, he simply shrugged and stated that he knew the harm he had already caused, not just them but to the whole city. He couldn't bring himself to believe he could ever be forgiven, let alone become friends with any of them. You're pretty sure he'll actually like what you have planned for the day as long as he gives it a chance. _I hope he lets go a bit today. Then everyone will finally get to see the carefree, happy Loki. Not the distant, mute he becomes the second anyone else shows up. He deserves their friendship, I just need him to drop those damn walls. _

“Right, everyone go get changed and meet back here in an hour” you announce, snapping yourself out of you reverie, getting up to leave. 

“Oh and wear something you can run in.” You call over your shoulder with a smirk before heading back to your room.


	2. Today's Activity is Murder!

Tony had two huge cars waiting downstairs by the time the team was ready to go. You whispered the location of your surprise to both drivers to keep everyone from finding out your plan before you were ready to reveal it to them. It was decided everyone would into their teams for the drive, with the plan to talk tactics on the way to the mystery destination. _They're going to regret this when we get there. _ You indulge your team but remain silent as they debate back and forth where they could be going. 

“I do not understand why you cannot just tell us where we are headed.” Thor states looking to you with his head tilted and eyes wide. You merely give him a knowing look, pursing your lips to hide your smile. _ I might have fallen for that a few months ago, but not today my friend. You're much more cunning than people realise Odinson. Makes sense growing up with Loki I suppose. _

“Shoot and a miss!” Tony chimes in, amused, “better luck next time Rapunzel.”

Your team continues to guess your plan to no avail for at least another fifteen minutes before Bruce asks the question you've been thinking since the start of the drive.

“How are we supposed to discuss tactics when we have no idea where we are going?” 

“Ask Tony! He's the one who seemed to think it would be possible” you laugh.

“We can still figure out the weaknesses of the other team. I have been told I'm a little competitive, though it's a completely unfounded accusation.” He grins as he produces a glass of whiskey seemingly from thin air. You quickly snatch it from his hand and tip it out the window despite Tony's protest. 

“There will be no drinking until this evening. No arguments, conversation closed.” 

Tony looks like he's going to try and negotiate but then shrugs it off and continues to talk tactics with the team. The conversation only pausing when the cars came to a stop outside a seemingly abandoned warehouse. 

“No wonder we couldn't guess,” a smile creeps across Wanda's face as she stares out the window. “Today's activity is murder!” she laughs. 

“Y/N if you had wanted to kill us, you probably should have tried to take us out one by one. Pretty ballsy to try and take us all on at once.” Tony quips, his ever present smirk directed towards you. You shake your head with a chuckle and get out of the car. 

The teams quickly pile out of their respective cars and follow you inside still clueless as to what you had planned. Their confusion quickly vanishes the second they step inside the warehouse. At least it does for everyone except Thor and Loki anyway. The abandoned exterior forgotten as they step into a world of walls stocked with what look like Kevlar vests with lights on the shoulders, stomach and backs; another wall stocked with helmets and guns. The back wall, behind the receptionist, was covered with screens showing action replays of the last competitors games and a score board. 

“Laser Tag!” Bruce shouts unable to hide his excitement, much to everyone's surprise. 

“I had no idea you were such a fan Brucie.” Nat teased causing him to blush. 

“What in the Nines is Laser Tag?” Loki asks, seemingly a little annoyed that no one had bothered to explain to him what was going on. 

“You get guns, you shoot lasers at each other. That's about all you need to know really.” Bruce supplies.

“Lasers? They're not lethal!?” Thor chips in seeming concerned.

“Yes brother, Y/N has brought us all here to kill each other for fun.” Loki rolls his eyes at him.

“Alright, enough guys. Everyone get in your teams. Here comes your first curveball.” You interrupt their squabbling before Thor even has a chance to reply. They dutifully fall into file in their teams before you, eagerly waiting your announcement. 

“One team member from each team will swap to the opposing team. And I'm choosing, so don't go getting ahead of yourselves.” You laugh, seeing them sheepishly turn back to you, as if they hadn't been about to dive into discussion about who would be sacrificing themselves for the good of the team. 

“Close your eyes.” You wait, only to have to repeat yourself when none of them do it. They eventually all comply, though you don't doubt that a couple of them will sneak a peek once you start moving people about. You shuffle everyone around, moving each team member in an attempt to conceal the identity of your chosen swaps.

“Open!” They look around, finding out which team member they've lost pretty quickly when Tony begins to complain. 

“Oh come on Y/N! You've got to be kidding! What was the point of getting us to choose our teams if we weren't even going to be on them?” Tony argues but finds his answer in the raise of your brow. He sighs. That's the exact reason you made them choose their team. They picked the people they were most comfortable working with, just as you knew they would. Asking Tony to work with Bucky and Loki is pushing your luck and you know it but it's exactly the push he needs. You can tell Steve isn't overly happy with this arrangement either with his protective gaze pointing directly at Bucky. At least he's keeping quiet about it. 

“Gear up.” You order, your smile returning. _This is gonna be fun, the second their competitive sides come back they wont even notice who they're working with... I hope._

The tension is palpable as the teams begin putting on their gear. You can feel the stress emitting from Steve, it's practically rolling off him. You sidle up next to him pretending to adjust your vest.

“He'll be ok you know.” Keeping your eyes averted, “he's a big boy, he's handled worse than Tony's snark before.” You attempt a reassuring smile, glancing up at him you meet his gaze to find him already smiling down at you. 

“Thank you.” He bumps your shoulder with his own, “I know it must seem ridiculous to worry about him. He was in the Army, he's pumped full of a modified version of the same serum that's in me.” He sighs, running a hand over the back of his neck. 

“But it's Buck. He's my oldest friend, he's the only one who knew me before all of... this.” He gestures at himself making you laugh.  
“He always protected me before, y'know? I don't think Tony's going to hurt him, not now at least. But there's no way he's going to take this team thing seriously.” He pauses for a moment, you can practically see the lightbulb above his head as he spins round calling the team together. 

“Tony is never going to work properly in that team. We all know he's impulsive and occasionally even reckless. Mix that with a game he wants to win and he's going to go it alone.” 

You try to interrupt in Tony's defence but Steve's on a roll. Steve continues to ramble about how Tony wont have a plan whilst simultaneously not creating one of his own. You eye the rest of you team, seeing your own reservations written on their faces. You're about to bring this to his attention when the receptionist informs everyone that it's almost time to go in. 

_Here was me worrying about how Tony was going to act for this. Steve being a problem didn't even cross my mind. I hope he can pull himself together, he's a damn good leader but if he can't get his mind back in the game it's going to be hard for your team to begin to trust him again. He's gotta prove that he can think of the team as well as Bucky._

Thor gives you a nudge, forcing your attention back to the safety briefing you had just missed a chunk of. You must have heard it at least twenty times before anyway, you practically knew it by heart. 

“Is something wrong?” Thor whispers, an odd mix of concern on his face but humour in his eyes. You give him a suspicious look, before shaking your head in response.   
“Then why the frown?” He asks, seeming genuinely curious. 

“I just... I really hope this works.” You sigh. 

“And they're giving you guys a safety brief. I know you have a reputation for wrecking the odd building while you're busy saving the world but c'mon. I think you can handle some lasers in a glorified game of capture the flag.” You chuckle, trying to divert the conversation to a lighter topic. Thor looks at you with mock offence before letting out a quiet laugh. You're both soon distracted as the briefing comes to an end and both teams are sent to their separate doors, ready to begin. 

As a loud klaxon sounds the doors swing open. Steve springs into action leading your team to the heart of your base. A glowing blue orb sits on a podium in the middle of the base, illuminating the dim room. The team instinctively create a circle around the podium waiting for instructions from Steve.

“O.K. Here's how we're gonna play this. We have the advantage here, staying and protecting the orb. But that's exactly what Tony is expecting us to do. He'll assume we're playing it safe, keeping the tactical advantage, that's how we're going to get him. He'll never see us coming.” 

You can feel the team on high alert. You had only been on a couple of minor missions so far, but there's that same familiar energy radiating from them now as when you're all loaded in the Quinjet. Steve signals to follow him causing everyone to form ranks out of habit. The second you leave the base the glimmer of the orb vanishes and you are thrown into darkness. Your eyes dart to the small sources of light on the walls and the subtle glow being emitted from a strip on the floor, leading you through a maze of hallways. 

You soon come across a large cavernous room, holding nothing but what looks like a large premade fort right in the centre. You feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. The team slightly stiffen, the only indication they sense something coming before you catch sight of Bucky, darting from behind the fort straight down a hallway on the far side of the room. 

Before anyone has a chance to say anything, Steve breaks away from the group in hot pursuit. Wanda calls out for him to wait but he ignores her, his sole focus on getting to Bucky. Wanda chases after him quickly followed by Thor and Bruce. You can't help but roll your eyes before you too follow them. _This is a trap... This is definitely a trap. _

Your suspicions are confirmed as soon as you hear shouts coming from around the corner at the end of the hallway Bucky had gone through. You quicken your pace. The familiar feeling of adrenaline kicking in, drawing a smile to your face. You skid to a halt at the end of the hall, pressing your back to the wall and raising your gun. As you peek round the wall you can't help but laugh at the chaotic scene before you. 

Nat chasing Wanda as she darts down a glowing green hallway that you can only assume leads to their base. Thor's huge frame tucked behind a small wall, firing up at Clint who's perched up high on a pile of barrels. Your attention is then caught when you hear Bucky's distinctive laugh, Steve is backed into a corner by both Bucky and Tony. A huge smile plastered on Tony's face and Bucky laughing as they open fire. The look on Steve's face was a sight to behold, confusion, relief and a glint of humour as his senses seem to come back to him. He catches your eye and you can't help but smile. You're soon distracted by a swarm of Lokis suddenly appearing and splitting off into different directions. 

“Oh c'mon! That's gotta be against the rules...” Bruce seems to say to himself more than anything else, but Loki snaps his fingers and the duplicates vanish. He shoots at Bruce with a grin on his face and then runs down the glowing hallway. Bruce lets out a surprised laugh before chasing after him.

You push yourself away from the wall ducking into the shabby wooden hut in the corner of the room. It's small but povides the perfect cover and gives you a flawless exit plan through a tunnel on the back wall. You poke your head up to get a clear shot through the window like hole, you have a clear shot at Bucky and Tony's backs. You duck back down as soon as you fire to avoid losing your advantage, but you hear the carnage you create. Cries of outrage and suprise followed by Steve's laugh as he makes his escape. You find crack in the wall just big enough to look through without being big enough to reveal you. You spot Bucky chase down Steve when you hear Tony shout.

“Clint! Who was it?!” 

“I'm a little busy here! But it definitely wasn't Thor.” Clint gets another shot off causing Thor's vest to beep and flash.

It's the perfect distraction, you pop up through the window firing another shot at Tony. He whips his head around, raising his gun to return fire but not finding anyone. He lets out a frustrated groan before his eyes land on the hut. You make a break for it as he begins to close in. The tunnel is smaller than you'd first thought and you have to crawl through. As you make it out the end you risk a look back seeing Tony peering through the other end. You throw him a wink and a smirk before laughing as you make your escape. 

You run down the hall you've landed in, ending up back where you first spotted Bucky. You head straight for the large fort in the middle of the room, scaling the wall in an attempt to get the high ground before Tony shows up. You grin as you reach the top, there's a camouflage net. You throw it over your shoulders as you slide to lay on the roof, gun ready. _Perfect timing._

You see the barrel of Tony's gun poking out of the shadows. You narrow your eyes, staring into the darkness. _Where are your lights Tony? You better not have taken off the vest. _Tony begins to sneak forward answering your question. 

_Dammit. Only you would think to tear some tape off the walls and stick it over your lights. No wonder Steve wasn't shooting at you. _Tony turns reacting to the sudden noise from the others revealing the lights on the back of his vest.

_Can't reach your back apparently._ You smirk as you get a direct hit. He spins round, his vest beeping and his back flashing. You stifle a laugh at the pure frustration on his face as he eyes the fort. 

“I know you're in there Y/N. Come out and I wont shoot.” He pauses, listening for a response from you.

“You were my first pick remember? You really think I want you on the other team?” He stalks towards the fort, the tape blocking you from getting any more shots off. 

“You can come back to team Stark. You know you miss me.” He smirks, creeping closer.

The second he gets inside the fort you slip off the roof. Crouching low, you sneak away in hopes of helping your team capture the orb. As you reach the far side of the room you can't help but look back, catching a glimpse of Tony's lights through one of the windows. You raise your gun, waiting for him to come back into view. Just as you're about to give up, you spot the light from his vest climbing the side of the fort. You fire, causing another groan from Tony as he clocks sight of you.

“I think I'll stay on team Rogers for now. But it's nice to know you miss me.” You wink, blowing him a kiss before taking off. 

Racing through the hallways, you make it to the Green base. You fire a quick shot at Loki, giving Wanda the chance to help Bruce. They corner Clint forcing him down from his high ground before Nat runs in to help. With everyone distracted you seize you chance and make a run for the orb. Just as you reach for it, the orb vanishes in a wisp of green smoke. _ Loki. _ You glance round the room, eyes landing on Loki. Smirk on his face, eyebrow raised in a challenge and the orb in his hand. You can't help but grin at him. _He's having fun! _ Your thoughts are interrupted when Loki raises his gun. You dive to the side, rolling behind a wall for cover.   
You fire blindly round the corner a couple of times before running up the stairs to your right. Hearing Loki's footsteps behind you, you weave through the maze of hallways surrounding their base. You come across the bridge that seems to go from one side of the base to the other. 

As you begin crossing Nat appears at the other end of it. Your reflexes kick in, you fire a shot in her direction. Making a snap decision you leap over the side of the bridge. Landing hard, your joints jolt with the force. It was higher than you'd anticipated. You grit your teeth to keep from crying out in pain as you force yourself to keep going. Nat's shock gives you a slight head start before she starts shooting but Loki is quick to follow. Gracefully vaulting off the bridge and landing with ease. He begins to chase you when Bruce suddenly grabs the orb from him, darting off in the other direction.

Your progress is slower than before but it isn't a serious injury. _ I've gotta find somewhere to hide while this eases off._ You push yourself forward, the pain already ebbing. Speeding up as you hear footsteps coming from behind, you're suddenly pulled to the side into a gap you hadn't even seen. Before you have a chance to register what's happening, you're pushed up against a wall, knocking your gun out of your grasp, with a hand over your mouth. On instinct you push against the hard chest that's pinning you before looking up through your hair, directly into the eyes of your captor. Tony's face is mere inches away from yours, his finger to his lips shushing you . Narrowing your eyes at him, you stop resisting. The footsteps you'd heard before run past your hiding place without slowing down. Once they fade Tony removes his hand from your mouth, his lips creeping up into a smirk. 

“What the hell Tony? You know I'm still on the other team right?” 

Tony huffs a quiet laugh but doesn't answer. Instead he lightly brushes your hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear. He traces his thumb gently over your cheek, his calloused hand coming to rest on your neck. Stunned, you open your mouth to say something but close it again when nothing comes to you. 

“You wanted team bonding right?” His voice low, gravelly, sending a shiver down your spine.

His eyes drift down to your lips as he draws in closer. He pauses, lips so close you can feel the warmth of his breath. His eyes flick back to yours as if asking for permission. Your breath hitches, causing him to quirk an eyebrow as if challenging you to deny it. His soft gaze betraying a hint of vulnerability behind his bravado.

You can't help being drawn to him. You tilt your chin up just enough for your lips to brush against his. It seems to be all the invitation he needs as he crashes his lips to yours. Your hands slide up his chest into his hair. You can't help but let out a quiet moan as he tightens his grip on you. His hand slips from your neck to your hip, pressing you harder into the wall. His tongue skims over your bottom lip, asking for entry and you gladly allow him. You can taste whiskey. Briefly wondering when he drank it, you're pulled from your thoughts by the roll of Tony's hips against yours, sending a wave of desire burning through you. You tug slightly at his hair, eliciting a growl from him as he squeezes your hip.

Suddenly you're startled out of your moment by a loud beeping from between you. You pull away slightly, giving you room to look down to see Tony's gun pointing directly at your flashing vest. You shoot your gaze back up to see his eyes gleaming with mischief. _ You little shit! _ He throws you a quick wink before running off. You're frozen, rooted to the spot, listening to his laughter disappearing down the hall. You subconsciously trace your fingers over your lips, still sensitive from his bruising kiss, and you can't help but laugh before you're struck by a troubling thought. _ Did he kiss me because he wanted to? Or because he wanted to win this stupid game? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where my initial idea ends. I'm not sure if I'll write anymore to this but who knows!   
Again this is my first attempt at writing anything so if it's terrible please do me a favour and allow me to live in my naïve bubble. Thanks for reading!


	3. Broken the Ice

The Kalxon snaps you from your spiralling thoughts. The lights flicker on, dazzling you with the sudden brightness. Scrambling to pick up your gun you make your way to the exit. You come up short as you reach the doors to the reception. Your thoughts moving from one concern to another as you realise you're about to find out if this has even remotely worked. Either you'll go through those doors and they may actually be talking civily to each other (you're not aiming for miracles here). Or, nothing will be any different. Everyone will be stood back with their original teams, ignoring each other. 

You take a deep breath to steady your nerves, close your eyes and poke your head through the door. A wave of relief crashes over you the second you risk opening an eye. You're greeting by the surprising sight of Loki actually having input into a discussion with Nat and Bruce. Clint laughing with Steve whilst Tony claps a hand on Bucky's shoulder; regaling their tail of triumph to Thor and Wanda. You make your way over to the group, unable to keep the smile off your face. Loki spots you first returning your grin with his own before Nat grabs your attention. 

“Y/N! I cannot believe you jumped off that bridge!” She calls, drawing the eyes of the rest of the group.

“You did what?!” Tony and Bucky shout in unison. Bucky's tone is shocked but his face is covered in pride, Tony on the other hand looks anything but pleased. Before you get the chance to either confirm or deny it, you're interrupted by the excited receptionist. 

“I can show you if you want? I assume you guys wanna see your best bits?”

The whole group practically jump on the chance to see clips from the game. The receptionist quickly introduced himself as Jake before he starts connecting his laptop, pulling up the file with the most recent footage. The team climb over the sofas in front of the huge projector screen. 

“OK. Before we get started, I've got your score card here. I've been instructed to not give everyone their individual scores, just the team result.” The hum of excitement practically vibrates through them as they all talk over each other. 

“I've added together the scores of all team members. The winning team, with the highest combined score, is...” Jake pauses dramatically as if waiting for a drumroll. Clearing his throat when he's met with nothing but silence and impatient faces.

“Mr. Starks team!” He beams as he finally gets the reaction he's after. The combination of the cries of outrage from Steve's team mix with the celebration from Tony's. His team roars with load cheers; Tony and Bucky pump their fists in the air as Nat and Clint jump to their feet, leaving Loki to cast a judgemental, if not slightly amused, look over them. 

They eventually quieten down, as they remember the promise of footage. Murmurs of excitement still bubbling up as they begin betting on who was going to have the ultimate “best bit”. The moment the projector blinks into life, a silence washes over the group. Eyes alight with anticipation, you catch them all leaning closer. 

The first clip comes as no surprise to you. Steve groans, his head falling into his hands, he watches through his fingers as a HD version of himself chasing after Bucky. You can't help but laugh at the look on his face when he's confronted by Tony's entire team, right before they open fire. The screen flicks to a clip of you sneaking into the hut and saving Steve. Bucky turns to you, his disbelief evident, you flash him a smile and shrug before returning your gaze to the screen. The next clip shows Tony pulling tape off the wall to cover his lights.

“I've gotta admit, in all my time working here, no one has ever done that.” Jake laughs, sounding genuinely impressed. 

You watch clip after clip; Bruce pretending he's going to Hulk-out when he was trapped by Loki, Nat silently dropping down behind Wanda, Steve and Thor teaming up to pincer move around Clint, Bucky parkouring over barrels and walls to escape unscathed from Wanda. Then come the clips of you. You scaling the fort, hiding under the camo, lying in wait for Tony. You getting a quick shot off at Loki to save Bruce. The final clip is you leaping off the bridge to escape from Loki and Nat. Wanda gasps and you hear a quiet hum of approval from Bucky. You're slightly proud that your face didn't show how much that landing hurt. Feeling eyes on you, you glance over your shoulder to see everyone staring at you.

“What? Loki did it right after I did!” You quickly defend your actions. 

You shift uncomfortably. Not being able to read their reactions was disconcerting. Except for Bucky, who you have never seen look more proud, the whole teams faces are worryingly blank. Tony's expression breaks first, shocking you slightly as he switches from blank to actually seeming angry with you. Your heart drops. Before he gets a chance to say anything the rest of the team come back to themselves, crowding around, showering you with praise and admiration. You smile weakly at them as they pat you on the back, your eyes darting back to Tony, clearly simmering in his anger. Your attention is brought back to the group when Loki slips his arm around your shoulders.

“I believe you mentioned having a full day planned? It would seem you have set yourself a rather high bar my dear.” 

You look up at him, giving him a warm smile. Loki always seems to possess the remarkable ability to cheer you up, before you get the chance to get too into your own head. He gives you a gentle squeeze prompting you to speak, despite the slightly surprised looks from the group at his term of endearment.

“Er, yea.” You stall slightly as Tony catches your eye, recovering quickly as you break free from his gaze.

“Yes, now that we've broken the ice a bit” You flash Steve a quick smile, a blush creeping up from his neck to his cheeks as he catches the reference. “It's time to move onto the next thing on the agenda. Go take your gear off and I'll meet you guys back at the cars.”

The group disperse. You head over to the reception to catch Jake before you leave, faltering as you spot him across the room, shaking hands with Tony. You wait for him to walk away before approaching. 

“I just wanted to say thank you, for letting us book the place at such short notice. I hope we weren't too much trouble.” 

“Hey, no worries! We should be thanking you! This is the biggest tip we're ever likely to get. Congrats on your kill score by the way.” He flashes the wad of cash in one hand, passing you a sheet of paper from his other, an enormous smile on his face. 

“Well they seemed to enjoy themselves, you never know, they might be back here before you know it.” You let out a laugh at his energy and enthusiasm before turning to leave. _That explains the Tony handshake. So he did enjoy himself, it's just me that he's pissed at for some reason. Great. _

After ridding yourself of the vest and gun, you head out to the cars to instruct the drivers where to go next. You lean against the door while you wait for everyone else, finally inspecting the paper Jake had given you. It's a table of names, deaths and kills. You smile to yourself when you see your name, you may not have the most kills but with only one death you landed top of the table. Your smile fades slightly as your thoughts are drawn back to Tony shooting you after the kiss. You had hoped that no matter his motivation for it, things wouldn't be awkward. Based on his reaction to near enough everything you've done since, it doesn't seem like that's going to be the case. 

The rest of the team trickle out, taking their time, apparently in no rush to get going. Bruce is the last to appear, smiling widely at you as he joins his team. It struck you then that everyone had gone back to speaking solely within their teams. _Guess that was going too well to stick long term. _With a small sigh you get in the car, the teams following suit. The second the doors close, Thor and Bruce seem to get a second wind of excitement. Bruce throwing ideas around, Thor beaming, nodding along while clearly having no idea what half of the suggestions are. Their energy is infectious and Wanda is quick to join them. The only dampener on the mood is Tony, staring moodily out of the window in a world of his own. Choosing to ignore him, rather than indulge in his pity party, you enjoy the childlike excitement radiating from Thor. 

The car journey was quicker than you'd expected and you're soon piling out of the cars at your second activity. You're greeted by multiple mini cheers from the group. 

“I knew it! Didn't I tell you we'd be paintballing!” Nat's practically bouncing as she gives Clint a playful punch on the shoulder. He rolls his eyes at her, laughing and shaking his head. With a smile you call the teams together.

“If Nat's announcement wasn't clear enough, we're going paintballing.” You see the competitive edge begin to creep back into their eyes as you continue. 

“After laser tag, paintballing was the next logical option. I debated doing this first but figured it was probably safer to leave this till after we'd eased some of the tension.” They shuffle slightly, knowing full well the carnage that probably would have occurred if this had been their first activity.

You direct them into the staging area to register your arrival. You're given a thorough safety brief by a man only ever referred to as Viper, who isn't far off being as large as Thor. He automatically commands respect as he shows the team how to use the equipment, welcoming questions (predominantly from Bruce) without condescension. He demonstrates with ease how to reload quickly to ensure maximum efficiency. You glance across the group, smiling at the pure concentration on each of their faces. Once Viper is fully convinced that everyone knows what they're doing he hands back over to you.

“Steve, Tony, you're back leading your own teams this time. We'll be playing Dual flag, similar to the orbs earlier but that doesn't mean you're free of curveballs. Each team will have a hostage instead of a flag to rescue. If you're hit, you're out. Your objective is to save your team mate and bring them back to your base first.” 

Just as they did the first time, the teams immediately dive into talks of who will be sacrificing themselves. You shake your head, smiling to yourself. _For a bunch of ridiculously intelligent people, you guys really can be stupid._ You clear your throat drawing their attention back to you.

“You guys don't really think I'd let you choose your own sacrifice do you?" They grin at you, not even trying to pretend that isn't what they were doing. "I would however, let you choose your hostage. One condition. No choosing the team captains.” A fire flashes through them as they excitedly dive back into hushed debates. You head over to your team to discuss who you'll be taking. 

“Oh come on, it's gotta be Bucky right?” Wanda suggests before Tony completely shuts it down.

“Are you kidding, grandpa will be a bat outta hell to get him back!”

“What about taking Natasha? It'd be a big hit to their tactical advantage” Thor asks only to be countered by Bruce.

“Are you going to be the one holding her hostage? Because if anyone is going to be able to escape without help from their team it's Nat” 

You can't help but agree with him. “That leaves Clint and Loki. And I don't know about you guys but I'm pretty sure Loki's in the same nightmare hostage category as Nat.”

“Katniss it is. Stops him and Nat from using their freaky ability to know exactly what the other is going to do, no eyes in the sky and probably the least annoying hostage. Everyone ok with that?” Tony agrees in a whisper, nodding when no one argues with his choice. As both teams fall silent, Tony and Steve draw themselves to the front. 

“We'd like to offer our handcuffs to this person, because we believe they're the perfect hostage material. Legolas, you're hired.” Tony quips, ignoring the groans from Steve's team and drawing an eyeroll from Clint before he moves over to stand with Bruce. 

“We're gonna take Y/N.” Steve says simply, tossing you an apologetic smile. You freeze, a heaviness settling inside you, before snapping yourself out of it to give him a tight smile back. You slowly make your way over to stand next to Loki. He's grinning at you like the cat that ate the canary, faltering slightly at your unreadable expression as you avoid his eyes. 

After another brief pep talk from Viper the teams split and head towards their bases. You try to pay attention to Steve's plan, so you can at least be somewhat helpful when your team gets to you, but all your brain can fixate on is the hostage part. It had never crossed your mind that they would pick you to be the hostage. _Surely they all know? They must remember? I'm a terrible choice!_ The closer you get to the base the tighter that feeling deep in your chest grips you. 

_ Shit. This was a terrible idea._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo I decided to carry on with this fic for a little bit. I've got another chapter in the works that I'm pretty nervous about! Thanks for reading, comments appreciated but please be nice to me! I'm new to this whole writing thing.
> 
> *22/02/19 Another note guys. My file corrupted on my laptop so I’ve just lost everything. I’d pretty much finished writing chapter 4 so I’m pretty devastated. I’ll do my best to rewrite it but it’ll take me awhile.


	4. Not Exactly What I Had In Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok sorry this took so long! Laptop erased everything and I just lost all motivation. Please note the added tags and trigger warnings. Really nervous about this chapter but here it is anyway!

**After another brief pep talk from Viper the teams split and head towards their bases. You try to pay attention to Steve's plan, so you can at least be somewhat helpful when your team gets to you, but all your brain can fixate on is the hostage part. It had never crossed your mind that they would pick you to be the hostage. _Surely they all know? They must remember? I'm a terrible choice!_ The closer you get to the base the tighter that feeling deep in your chest grips you.  
_Shit. This was a terrible idea._**

Dragging your heels you follow Steve and his team to the bunker, the closer you get the faster your pulse races. Eyes on the floor you focus on controlling your breathing. You're paying so little attention to where you're going you don't notice the group come to a stop, causing you to walk straight into the back of Bucky. He turns, eyes searching yours, he gives you a smile that suggests he's about as happy with this arrangement as you are. You pull your gaze away from him to the bunker in front of you. It's somehow even smaller than you had imagined.

Inside you take stock of the room. With just the one door and a small hole in the wall masquerading as a window, there's only one way out of here. As Nat closes the door the light is sapped from the room. The ray of light from the “window” landing directly on the only piece of furniture. A steel chair. As your eyes begin to adjust to the dim light your hands begin to sweat, you wipe them on the jumpsuit you'd all been forced to wear in order to protect your clothing. 

Bucky places a hand on your back, gently guiding you to sit. You shiver as the cold of the metal seeps through your clothing. Closing your eyes, you place your hands behind the back of the chair. You grit your teeth bracing yourself as Bucky secures you there with the handcuffs. The sound of the cuffs clicking into place spiking your heart rate. You take a few deep breaths before opening your eyes again, meeting the blue-grey ones before you. Bucky's gaze is so intense you feel like he's trying to read your mind. Concern etched clearly on his face, you try to placate him with a quick nod. He frowns slightly before giving your shoulder a quick squeeze and heading back over to Steve. They whisper animatedly but you can't bring yourself to try and listen to what they're saying. 

The piercing wail of a siren snaps the team into action. They file out quickly, Bucky hesitates at the door, giving you a quick look, he lets out a deep sigh before following his team. Loki has clearly been chosen to guard you. He picks up your paintball gun from where you had ditched it at your feet, covering it in a burlap sheet you previously hadn't noticed, he puts it as far away from the door as possible. He takes up position by the “window” keeping an eye on his teams progress. 

You're starting to think you're going to be ok. That maybe this won't be as bad as you thought it would be, when you hear the first shouts from the teams outside. The combination of shouting and your inability to move drags you to the edge of a panic attack. Your breathing rapid, you dig your nails into the palms of your hands. Desperate for something to focus on other than your current situation your eyes dart around the room. Bright green and orange paint splatters cover the walls, glowing slightly in the darkness of the room. Vaguely you wonder if they do evening games before the sound of gunfire begins. Your sharp intake of breath and quiet groan pull Loki's attention to you. 

“I'm the God of tricks you know. That really isn't going to work on me.” Your eyes snap to his causing his confidence to slip. His smirk faltering slightly at the look on your face. 

_Loki. Just focus on Loki. You're ok. You're ok. You're not there any more. You're ok. _

“Hey, are you alright?” Concern dripping from his voice, he comes over to crouch in front of you. His eyes flit between yours trying to figure out what's wrong. 

“I'm fine. Distract me.” Your voice is tight and clipped, breathing heavy, but it's enough for Loki.

He looks a little lost as he struggles to comprehend what's happening and what it is he's actually supposed to be distracting you from. More shots go off and you can't seem to focus on anything else. You dig your nails in harder and watch as Loki desperately tries to think of something that might be enough of a distraction. 

“Oh! Ok. Do you remember when you asked me what my happy place was? I said that God's don't have happy places and that it was just a ridiculously pointless notion that only mortals use. I lied.” He lets out a slight chuckle before continuing, “I know, shocking. Well mine is less of a place and more of a memory that I enjoy returning to in times of stress.” 

He starts rambling which in itself was a bit of a distraction since even when he's angry he is always so eloquent. You nod to him, encouraging him to keep going.

“It was a few centuries ago now. Back on Asguard. I had been training with Thor and ended up in an argument with his fan club, The Warriors Three. They seemed to have a problem with the fact that Thor came away with a minor stab wound in his side. I don't know what they were worried about? He's not some fragile mortal, he was going to be fine. It's not like I aimed for anything important!” 

This actually elicits a small huff of a laugh from you which brings a grin to his face. 

“I am aware that this doesn't exactly sound like a happy memory that one would want to regularly return to, but I'm getting there. I walked away from them and their meaningless drivel.” He catches the quirk of your eyebrow and corrects himself. “Alright I may have stormed off but that's not the point. I was angry. I was trying to make Thor a better fighter, that is what training's for. Better a stab wound from me than someone actually trying to kill him.” He rolls his eyes and you feel your anxiety starting to ebb slightly, even if you did really wish he'd stop talking about stabbing and killing.

“When I finally bothered to look where I was, I found myself on a bench in the gardens. No great surprise really. I tended to end up there whenever I needed some time by myself. I wasn't there long before Mother found me” a small smile played on his lips at the mere mention of her. “I was expecting her to tell me Odin wanted to see me but she said nothing. She held out her hand, pulled me to my feet and motioned for me to follow her. We walked in silence for a while. I thought I knew every secret the gardens held, so when she waved her hand over a shrub and it disappeared I was rather shocked. She answered none of my questions and simply walked through the new gap, recreating the shrub once I was also through. I was in awe of her. I followed her down a winding path for a few more minutes before we entered a clearing.” 

The look on his face as he remembered this moment was one you'd never seen on him before. In the rare moments he talked about his past he was usually reflecting in a bad light. To see him looking genuinely happy while talking about Asguard was new. You knew there must be other happy times in his life of over a thousand years, he'd just never told you any of them. Your breathing slowing, you stop digging your nails into your hand.

“I couldn't believe what I was seeing. With a single tree in the middle, there were plush chairs and cushions scattered around. She'd crafted bookshelves from vines. There must have been multiple enchantments over the clearing. It was silent and with only a light breeze. It was perfect. I remember standing there, taking it all in, while Mother strolled straight in. She ignored every seating option and sat on the grass, leant against the tree trunk and summoned a book. I tried to trace the magic from the bookshelves under the pretence of finding something to read. It was so complex, so delicate. I ended up giving in, selecting a book and joining her. We spent hours there. Both reading, my head in her lap as she played with my hair.” Loki has a wistful look in his eyes, you were starting to wonder if he even remembers you're there. 

Sheer relief fills you as you regain control of your breathing. You go to give him a hug but the bite of the cuffs brings you sharply back to your reality. You had fazed out the noise from your surroundings while he was talking, completely enraptured in hearing about Asguard. Now with his story over the sounds of gunfire and distant shouts return. You can feel you pulse steadily growing faster, you pull against your cuffs in a pointless attempt to get free. The pain round your wrists familiar and triggering. 

Loki eyes snap back to you as notices your change in demeanour, brows furrowing in frustration and concern. 

“I'm sorry, did I make it worse? What can I do?”

“No. Keep talking. It helps.” You breath deeply, struggling to maintain the level of control you'd gained just moments earlier. 

Before Loki can think of another story to tell you hear another round of gunfire, so much closer than before. A second later a paint pellet hits just inside the window. As it explodes some of the paint splatters across Loki's back and you flinch as a few droplets land on your face. The feeling of the paint slowing trickling down your cheek flashes a memory right before your eyes. The florescent paint on the walls turns a deep red, wet and dripping. You desperately blink the memory away before sink too far into it. You're losing control. 

“Y/N? What can I do? I don't know... I've never...what do you need me to do?” Loki's tone is an attempt at calm but his eyes are frantic. 

He goes to touch your cheek in an attempt to get you to look at him but the speed of his actions throw another memory at you. You cower away from him as your mind plays the memory of your “handler” smacking you across the face. He pulls away from you, shocked by your reaction. 

“Handcuffs” is all you manage to get out through your gritted teeth. 

Loki moves slowly, hands up in a defensive gesture as he comes around you to remove your cuffs. As he reaches to take them off his fingers brush against your wrist. A sharp surge of energy fires through you straight to him, he quickly recoils in pain. 

“Shit! Fuck I forgot about that.” He's cradling his arm, wincing as he tries to move it. He moves back in front of you, a panicked look in his eyes. “I can't break them. I can't. It's one of my conditions of being here, no “destructive” magic. Steve took the key. I can't get them off.” He looks utterly defeated, at a total loss of any way to help. You can see him trying to say more to you, he's rambling and you know it, but you can't hear him over the screaming in your head.

“Bucky. Get Bucky.” In the blink of an eye there are two Loki's before you, One dashing straight out the door, the other stock still with panic and confusion pouring from him. 

Hurting Loki seems to be the last straw. Seeing your best friend sat in front of you, hurt. Because of you. It's enough to send you over the edge. You scrunch your eyes up tight, desperate to shut out the image of the pain you caused only to be greeted by something worse. 

Memory after memory flash in front of you. Your eyes snap open to stop the stream but as you open them you no longer see Loki. He's gone. Your eyes dart around to find him. The paint splatters have turned red again only this time you can't blink them back to normal. They're wet, thick and dripping slowly down the walls. Your throat is scratchy and dry. It's then you realise the screaming in your head was your own. You look around at the carnage you had caused. Bodies crumpled on the floor in positions no human should physically be. Blood covering their faces and limbs. 

A cruel laugh breaks through, sending a chill down your spine. Not him, please not him. 

“You're so much more than we had planned Маленький кролик.” His thick Russian accent causes you to shrink inside. Little Rabbit... weak, panicky and breakable. The memory of him deciding which name suited you best makes you drop your head as a tear slips free from your eye. 

“Don't be so pathetic.” He smacks you hard across your cheek. “You should be happy. The power we've given you is unrivalled. You should be grateful you were even chosen. You were nothing before us, nothing before we plucked you from your pitiful life.” Your shoulders begin to shake as more tears begin to flow. 

“You like the power. That's why you cry. You cry because you fight that feeling, the feeling that you're no longer weak and you enjoy it. You enjoy what you're able to do with a mere touch. Or as I now see, without a touch if provided with the proper stimuli.”

“That's not true.” You whisper pulling at your handcuffs, provoking yet another hard smack, his ring cutting your cheek. Your tears mix with the blood as it trickles down to your chin.

“Yet here I stand Зайчик. Untouched, unharmed. Why do you think that is?” You cringe as he uses the nickname he coined for you, Bunny. 

He cups your cheek, smearing the blood as his thumb runs over your cheekbone, in a false show of affection. He tilts your head back just enough for you to look him in the eyes. Pure fear floods through your veins at the cold stare greeting you. You know that look. Nothing good ever comes after that look. Somewhere from deep within you a surge of defiance rockets to the surface. You smile at him, as sweetly as you can manage, before spitting in his face. 

Consequences come fast and hard. Boiling rage rolls of him. A solid punch lands on your jaw, swiftly followed by more to the stomach. You can't breath, all air has been knocked from you. With another blow to your temple your vision becomes spotty. You pray for it to end. For him to knock you out so you wont feel it any more. Suddenly the blows cease. The only sound is that of your wheezing breaths. He roughly grabs your chin, forcing you to look at him again. 

“Admit that you like the power. Admit it and we wont have to do this.” The false concern is back in full force as if he hadn't just beat the shit out of you. You twist your face away from him, out of his gasp. His laugh is low and hollow. He walks away from you to a table littered with instruments straight from hell. He hums as he peruses his options before picking up the smallest of the lot. A tiny silver blade. Turning it over in his hands he crouches in front of you. 

“No one noticed we took you, you know.” His eyes on the blade as he flits it between his fingers. “No one is looking for you. No one cares that you're gone.” His gaze slowly trails up your body before meeting yours. His empty, cold glare makes you grit your teeth in preparation for what you know comes next. At your total lack of response you see a tiny flare of anger in him before he rests the edge of the blade just above your knee. 

“Doesn't that make you angry? Doesn't that just make you want to hurt somebody?” He swiftly slices a deep gash into your leg. You groan a little at the pain but refuse to give him the satisfaction of crying out this early in his game.

“You were nothing when we found you. We made you great. We gave you the power to defend yourself.” A sharp pain claws it's way through you as he slices into you again.

“You claim to hate me Маленький кролик yet you do not hurt me. Why is this?” He lightly trails the blade up to your ribs. You try to hurt him. You really do. But there's something within your power blocking you. You pull against your cuffs again, determined to get away but your energy is waning. He laughs at your attempt for freedom.

“Perhaps you're not as strong as I thought. Just admit you love it. Say it.” He drags the blade across your ribs eliciting another groan from you. 

“No one is coming to save you. You have to save yourself.” You cry out and fresh tears fall as he stabs into you with a twist of his wrist. 

Suddenly you're broken free from your memories as Tony and Bucky burst through the door, both covered in more paint than they should be. You're slumped over in your chair, as much as you can be while being restrained. Your whole body shaking with your sobs and heavy breathing. 

Bucky instantly appears at your feet, Loki swiftly getting out of his way. Bucky moves slowly and carefully as lays a metal hand on your shoulder. The mechanics of his vibranium arm begin to hum and adjust as it absorbs the pulsing shocks coming from you. He moves to brush your curtain of hair away from your face to tuck it behind your ear. You eventually lift your gaze to meet his.

“Ah, there she is.” A warm smile lights his face. His eyes, filled with empathy and understanding, search your own causing fresh tears to fall. A cool metal thumb gently sweeps them away. “It's ok, Doll. I'm gonna get these cuffs off you now.” 

He reaches around you, breaking the cuffs with ease. You collapse forward onto him and he braces for the pain that never comes. You clutch tightly to his jumpsuit, florescent orange paint coating your fingers, as you sob into his chest. He holds you as you cry, stroking your hair. It's not until you hear him softly start to sing that you begin to calm. He rocks you back and forth as he sings Nat King Cole's- Smile, quietly into your hair. 

You regain control of your breathing and settle into his embrace as he finishes the song. You give him a tight squeeze before finally relinquishing your hold on him. With a shy smile you turn away from him. You cross your arms and begin to worry your lip. You see Tony, still standing in the door way, covered in florescent green paint. He has a look on his face that you can't quite decipher, his jaw tight, eyes searching yours. You divert your gaze and get a pang of guilt as you land on Loki, still clutching his arm. 

“I'm so sorry Loki, I..”

“Don't think on it, Pet. I've handled far worse than you.” He smirks at you, but you catch his slight wince when he shrugs his shoulder. 

“Well... This was not exactly what I had in mind for today.” You try to make light of the situation. 

You're about to ask why Bucky and Tony are both covered in far more paint than they should be, when Steve bursts through the door. A beaming grin lights his face and he cheers when Nat races in with Clint on her back. Bruce trails behind them, a smile on his face as he watches his friends celebrate. Thor and Wanda are last in, looking considerably less happy with the result.

The smiles soon drops from their faces when they register the mood of the room. Steve straightens and visibly tenses up. Clint slides down from Nat's back, eyes flicking round the room trying to decipher the root of the tension. When all eyes fall to you, you watch as they take in your appearance. Hair stuck to your sweat covered forehead, eyes red from sobbing, paint smeared over your hands, chest and cheek. 

You shuffle from foot to foot, dropping your head to avoid their eyes. You really don't want to have this discussion right now. _Please just let me pretend this never happened. Just never talk about it again. I've been doing so well recently. If you ignore the insomnia, the reading 'til 4am until I pass out and the nightmares that come when I finally do get some sleep, I'm totally fine!_

Tony clears his throat, pulling you from your thoughts and drawing everyone's attention back to him. “Looking dazzlingly clean over there Capsicle.” He turns to the rest of your team before adding, “I don't know about you guys but I could do with getting this nuclear looking crap off me. Let's head back and get cleaned up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it to the end of this THANK YOU! It's totally unlike how this story started so thanks for sticking with it. The way I've written the beginnings of the panic attack is pulled from my own experience with anxiety however I have no personal experience with PTSS so I've had to pull from what I've read in books or seen in movies. The Russian was totally google translate so apologies if it's wrong.


	5. Let's Get Out Of Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the huge gap between updates guys. Quarantine has not been kind to my motivation or inspiration so I've been finding it hard to write. This chapter isn't quite as long as the last one for that exact reason but I just wanted to get something written.

_ **Please just let me pretend this never happened. Just never talk about it again. I've been doing so well recently. If you ignore the insomnia, the reading 'til 4am until I pass out and the nightmares that come when I finally do get some sleep, I'm totally fine! **_

_ **** _

_ **** _

**Tony clears his throat, pulling you from your thoughts and drawing everyone's attention back to him. “Looking dazzlingly clean over there Capsicle.” He turns to the rest of your team before adding, “I don't know about you guys but I could do with getting this nuclear looking crap off me. Let's head back and get cleaned up.”**

__

Never have you been so happy with Tony's remarkable talent for avoiding a conversation he doesn't want to have. Steve seems to get the message, quickly ushering everyone out. Thor however, spots Loki in the corner still clutching his arm. He easily slips past Steve, crossing the room to envelop you in a tight hug, throwing Loki a death glare over your shoulder. He pulls back just enough to give you a once over, his eyes hardening again as he flicks his gaze back to his brother. 

“Hey, enough of that.” You scold him softly drawing his attention back to you. “He was trying to help. He did help, actually. A lot.” You manage a small smile that seems enough to reassure him.

You give him a quick squeeze before pulling away from him. You shuffle slightly, feeling all remaining eyes in the room on you. Bucky, thankfully breaks the silence.

“Ok. Lets get out of here.” He puts a hand on your shoulder, steering you from the room.

Once outside you take a deep breath. You give Bucky a smile and a short nod which he takes as his cue to finally leave your side. You've only walked a few steps when Thor and Loki quickly overtake you. Their hushed tones failing to hide the argument they're very obviously having, normally you'd be the one to chill them out but you're far too tired to even bother interrupting. 

You slow your pace. Every inch of your body exhausted. You're so drained that you begin to faze out. Paying very little attention to your movements, you drag your feet, causing you to stumble slightly on the uneven ground. You're only half way back to the staging area when you come to a complete stop. Your mind drawing a blank, you close your eyes and just breathe. You focus solely on taking some deep breaths. You hadn't even noticed you were shaking until a warm calloused hand takes yours. You open your eyes, training your focus on the odd but welcome feeling that's washing over you. 

You allow yourself to be lead when the hand gently pulls you onward. You continue to stare into space, saying nothing, simply following. As you enter the staging area it's silent. The kind of silence only accomplished by walking into a room where everyone was just talking about you. It's awkward and you can feel everyone watching you as you're taken to the corner of the room. Vaguely aware that someone is speaking softly to you, you just nod along without taking anything in. 

You look at the floor with an unfocused gaze as you feel your protective jumpsuit being carefully removed. Your brain follows the warmth of the hands keeping you steady. Follows them over your shoulders and down your arms. You feel them guide you to sit in a chair before pulling your ankles free. Once finished you feel them back in your own. Again you nod in response to a question you didn't register and with a light caress of a rough thumb over the back of your hand, you're left alone.

You wait in the slightly wobbly plastic chair for the others. Scanning over the floor you notice a tiny paint splatter. Your lips curl into a small smile as you realise it's created a stain in the shape of Mjiolnr. You're not sure how long it's been but the hands are back, pulling you to your feet and you're soon climbing into the car. 

You stare out the window the whole drive home, watching as the trees turn to houses, and the houses turn to apartment blocks and sky scrapers. You feel the car come to a stop but don't make any attempt to move. A second hand on your own pulls you back to the world. You look down at the hand locked in yours to the tightness of your own grip, and realise you've been squeezing it for the whole journey. You loosen your grip, flexing your fingers but his hand never releases yours. Finally you lift your gaze to look directly into Tony's eyes. 

You hold his gaze for a moment before a slight movement makes you register the presence of the others in the car. You double take slightly as you realise who is sitting opposite you. If anyone had told you this morning that by the end of the day; Tony, Bucky, Thor and Loki would all choose to be in the same compact space for an extended period of time, you'd have sent them to a doctor. But here they are, sat in front of you. A mixture of reassuring encouragement and wariness plastered on each of their faces. All except Tony, who's wearing that damn expression you're still unable to read. 

With just one look from Tony the guys file out of the car, closing the doors behind them and leaving the two of you alone. You watch as he studies your face before flicking his eyes down to your wrists. Gently running a finger over the grazes and bruising. He speaks softly, as if trying not to freak you out.

“We need to get these taken care of. I called ahead so med bay is expecting you. The Emo Prince will be up there for his arm so you'll have some distinctly less pleasurable company.” He looks back up at you with a thinly veiled smirk. You frown at him but it only makes him laugh.

You can't help the small smile pulling at your lips when he looks away, but it slips the second he tries to let go of you to open the door. Your grip tightens on his hand causing him to look back. Running a thumb over the back of your hand, he waits for your grasp on him to loosen before speaking again.

“Are you ready?” He holds your gaze and waits for your almost imperceptible nod before going to move again. 

Keeping his hand in yours he climbs out of the car leaving you no choice but to follow. You walk in amiable silence through the lobby to the elevators. Once inside you notice you're standing closer to him than you had realised, enjoying the warmth radiating from his arm pressed against yours. You smile as he begins rhythmically running his thumb over your hand again. Sneaking a side glance at him you're not sure he even knows he's doing it. The doors ping open and you head towards med bay but a slight pull on your hand makes you turn to see Tony stopped just outside the elevator. 

“I've got a few things that need taking care of. Someone has to cancel your dinner reservation etc. Do you want Barnes or someone to talk to the team? Let them know what's going on so you don't have to?”

You sigh with relief. You hadn't even thought about what you were going to say to everyone and you really don't want them to all draw their own conclusions. 

“That would be great actually, could you both do it? Bucky knows a lot about it all, he's been helping me with my panic attacks since I got here and you... Hang on,” you pause as you process exactly what Tony had said before narrowing your eyes at him. “Did you say a dinner reservation? How do you know about the dinner reservation?”

“Ah... Busted.” Tony laughs slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. “You may have noticed I'm not exactly a huge fan of surprises nowadays.” 

“You hacked my phone?” You do your best to keep a stern face and sound angry rather than impressed and bite back your smile.

“No! Of course not! I would never... It wouldn't even cross my mind to...” He stuttered and despite his light tone, you can tell you're doing a better job at hiding your smile than you thought when you catch the slight panic in his eyes. “Hacked is a strong word... Friday did it.” 

“So you knew all the plans for today then.” You place your free hand on you hip and raise an eyebrow at him. It was less of a question and more of a statement at this point. 

“I couldn't figure out the curve balls, if it makes you feel any better.” He starts shuffling from one foot to the other and avoiding your gaze. 

You squeeze his hand before finally letting out a laugh, putting him out of his misery. His gaze flicks back to yours as his smirk reappears. For a moment you think you see a heat in eyes before he schools himself, "You'd better head on in, they'll be waiting for you." He gives you a nod and hits the button for the elevator. As the doors open he gives your hand another light squeeze before finally letting you go, stepping back into the lift. You hold his gaze, that unreadable look gracing his face once again, until the doors close between you. The second he's gone you miss his warmth and the tension creeps back into your shoulders.

Taking a deep breath, you turn and head to med bay. The frosted glass doors slide open for you and you're greeted by the sight of Loki, perched at the end of a patient bed reading, with his arm in a sling, guilt floods through you. 

“I can feel your pity from here.” He calls to you without looking up. You hesitantly make your way over to him.

“I'm really...”

“Sorry. Yes, you may have mentioned it.” Loki cuts you off, lifting his gaze to smile at you, vanishing his book. “You really needn't worry so much, Pet.”

“But...”

“Truly. I am a little surprised though. Something as small as this I could normally heal myself without trouble.” He frowns slightly in thought before giving you a sly grin. “But I have my theories.”

You eye him suspiciously, trying to decipher if he really does have a theory or if he's just trying to make you feel better. He rolls his eyes at you before continuing.

“I believe there may be an unexpected bonus to your powers. I could be wrong of course but when have I ever been wrong?”

You can't help but laugh at that. He scowls at you, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

“Moving on,” he huffs, “I believe, your powers repel magic.” 

You stare at him dumbfounded for a moment wondering if he's kidding before a loud laugh breaks free from you unexpectedly. You school your expression barely containing your smile as you ask, “And how exactly did you come up with that one?” 

He frowns at you again, gives a dramatic sigh then starts again despite your obvious scepticism. “When I touched your wrist I was attempting to use magic to unlock the restraints. I think your powers sensed it. I think it somehow managed to enhance your abilities. I also believe it causes a lasting repulsion, which would explain why when I try to heal myself it merely hurts more.”

You're trying to process everything he's saying but it just feels so surreal that he's talk about you. You having powers. You being able to repel magic enough to block him from healing himself hours after the fact. You look away from him trying to keep your emotions in check. 

“In all honesty Pet, I'm actually offended you're so repulsed by me on such a cellular level.” His tone is so serious that you snap your eyes back to him, mouth open, denial at the ready until you see the grin on his face. You lightly hit his uninjured arm when he laughs at you. 

“I really am sorry though, Lokes.” 

You reach out placing a hand on his arm, a flash of pain shoots through you, burning up from your fingers to your shoulder. Crying out, your knees buckle. Loki is quick to catch you and by the time you're back on your feet the pain is down to a dull ache. It's all over in seconds. Loki's holding your shoulders, terrified eyes checking you over. Suddenly multiple doctors and nurses rush in. Your eyes flit from theirs to Loki as you watch each of them clearly coming to the wrong conclusion.

“It wasn't him! He didn't...” You rush to explain but Loki shushes you, ignores them all and ushers you to sit on the bed. 

“Are you alright?” He's quiet and controlled but his eyes give him away. You roll your shoulder and flex your fingers, trying to assess any damage but find none. You go to reply when you notice his arm free from his sling.

“Loki, your arm.” A frustrated look flashes across his face, annoyed that you've brought it up again when he needs to be focusing on you and what just happened, before it seems to dawn on him. He rolls his own shoulder, staring at his arm as he moves it about before looking back up at you. You stare at each other for a moment, both of you taking in what just happened, before he breaks the silence.

“Well, this is certainly an unexpected development.” You both let out a small disbelieving laugh and a sigh of relief. 

The doctors and nurses all seem to have dissipated, happy enough that you're in no danger. All bar one, who is still standing in the doorway. As a thought occurs to you your smile drops and you begin to worry your lip.

“Please don't tell them I did this,” you vaguely gesture to his newly healed arm, “not yet at least. I'm so tired Lokes. They'll want to run tests and I'll be here for hours and I just can't...”

Loki interrupts you placing a hand on your arm, “Whatever you need Pet.” He gives you a reassuring smile before it turns to a smirk, “although I doubt they'll believe me. I'm a terrible liar you know.” 

You can't help but laugh, thankful for his small attempt at cheering you up. Looking over Loki's shoulder you smile and wave the doctor over. Loki finally moves out of the way, content that you're happy enough to proceed. 

Dr Cho introduces herself and quickly explains exactly what is going to happen before beginning her examination. She doesn't ask too many questions but does make plenty of notes on her tablet. It's fascinating to watch her work. It seems so ingrained in her, like watching a dance, as she moves swiftly from one check to the next. She takes a closer look at your wrists before producing an antiseptic spray that dries almost instantly. After a final confirmation that you are truly in no pain she gives you the all clear. 

As you and Loki both get up to leave she stops him, demanding she has another check of his arm before he is allowed to go. He tries to argue, but her calm yet firm demeanour screams not to be trifled with, so with a dramatic sigh he concedes. 

Leaving Loki behind you head back to the elevators. Mind reeling with the million things that happened today. Once inside you hit the button for your floor and lean back against the cool wall. Eyelids drooping, you start to really feel the toll the day has taken. As the doors open, you trudge toward your bedroom. With it only being 6 o'clock you had planned to shower and grab some food before crashing but the sight of your bed quickly alters that. Crawling onto it you collapse, passing out the second your head hits the pillow. 

_Blood. Pain. White flashes blind you as screams fill your ears. Blood. Pain. Silver blades. Rusted chains. Cold. So very cold. Cruel eyes and laughter. “They will not come to save you Маленький кролик. They don't think you're worth the trouble. You aren't worth saving. The Avengers aren't coming.” Tears. Laughter. Pain._

You bolt upright. Panting, sweat dripping from your forehead. You clutch your chest, your whole body shaking. You taste the salt of your tears as they reach your lips. After a few minutes your breathing has calmed and you've regained enough control to stop shaking. Running your hands over your face you take a deep breath. 

You glance at the clock on your bedside table, 02:37. Wide awake and knowing full well you wont be getting back to sleep any time soon, you drag yourself out of bed and make your way to the bathroom. Catching sight of yourself in the mirror you study your reflection. Hair a mess, eyes red. It's then you notice the smear of florescent paint on your cheek that no one had bothered to tell you about. You rub at it to no avail. With a sigh you turn on the shower, peel yourself out of your clothes and step in. 

After taking care of washing the day off of you, you just stand there for a while. Allowing the warmth of the water to ease the tension in your shoulders. For a moment you debate staying there until the water runs cold before realising that's probably not a thing that ever happens in Stark Tower, so you turn off the shower and wrap yourself in your biggest towel. 

You sit for a while on the edge of your bed, possible future conversations with the team streaming though your head, before pulling a fresh t-shirt and pyjama shorts from your drawers. Once dressed you dry your hair and decide to stick to your usual post nightmare routine. Grabbing the blanket from the end of your bed you take the stairs to the communal living room. 

Depositing the blanket on the sofa you head to the kitchen. The second you open the fridge your stomach rumbles. You smile to yourself at the sight of Nat's handwriting on the note stuck to a bowl of leftover pasta. **_Y/N's portion. CLINT DO NOT EAT THIS._** You pop it in the microwave and start making yourself a hot chocolate, not a combination you'd usually go for but there was no way you were turning down the food just because you were craving a hot chocolate. 

Putting your mug on the coffee table to cool down a bit you drop down onto the sofa. You pull the blanket over you, snuggling in and grabbing the remote, you swiftly put on your go to middle of the night movie. As the opening of The Princess Bride plays you dig into your pasta. You're only a few bites in when you hear a noise from the kitchen. You look over to see Tony, hair ruffled, covered in sweat and grease. He doesn't seem to have noticed you sitting there or heard the movie playing as he begins to make himself a coffee. Something about his posture and the clumsiness of his movements concerns you.

“Tony...Are you ok?”

He jumps slightly, plastering a fake smile on his face for a second before letting it slide, his shoulders slump and he drags a hand over his face leaving behind a black smudge, he lets out a sigh before whispering “No. Not really.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this slightly shorter chapter. I'm not sure how long it'll take me to get the next one out but I'll update as soon as I can. Comments and Kudos make my day so feel free to let me know if there's anything you particularly liked or leave some constructive criticism. Thanks for reading x


	6. Opening Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! I know it's been so long, hopefully you guys are still interested in this. It's been taking me a lot longer to get these chapters to where I want them to be but I like where it's going and hope you'll stick with me. I've added a couple of extra tags so be sure to check there for any trigger warnings.

**_You look up to see Tony, hair ruffled, covered in sweat and grease. He doesn't seem to have noticed you sitting there or heard the movie playing as he begins to make himself a coffee. Something about his posture and the clumsiness of his movements concerns you._**

****

****

** _“Tony...Are you ok?”_ **

**_He jumps slightly, plastering a fake smile on his face for a second before letting it slide, his shoulders slump and he drags a hand over his face leaving behind a black smudge he lets out a sigh before whispering “No. Not really.”_**

Seeing him like this is a bit of a shock to your system. Without his perfectly crafted walls of sarcasm, jokes and deflection he looks so vulnerable it causes a pang in your chest. You quickly pause the movie turning to face him properly.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You keep your voice soft and encouraging but you watch as the walls build back up around him. 

“You want to braid each other's hair and talk about our feelings?” he quips.

You tilt your head slightly and smile, “I'm not sure you actually know how to braid hair but feel free to give it a shot.”

He huffs out a laugh, your answer seems to surprise him, he frowns at you for a moment before conceding with a sigh. You pull back part of your blanket as he makes his way over to you. 

“I'm offended you think I wouldn't be able to braid. I'm an engineer, it can't be that hard to figure out.” You laugh and cover him with part of your blanket as he sits down. “What are you doing up anyway? Didn't think we'd be seeing you till breakfast.”

You avert you eyes and dig into your pasta again giving only a hum in response. 

“Hey, you're the one that wanted to chat about our feelings.” You roll your eyes at him, slightly annoyed that he's right. If you want him to open up to you, you're going to have to do it too.

“I had a nightmare. Nothing new, it happens” you sigh. _That isn't opening up and you know it. _You mentally scold yourself but hesitate before starting again. “They're not too dissimilar to my panic attacks really. Flash backs y'know. I'm back there, he's there. Reliving the pain.” You clench your jaw, keeping your eyes on the last few bits of pasta you're pushing around your bowl. “He always... I mean... normally, he only says the same things he did while I was there. Not so much this time.” You set your bowl back on the table, pulling the blanket up higher you fiddle with the edges. “This time he said... He was saying things about you guys. The team.”

Tony waits quietly for you to continue, you flit your gaze over to him just in time to catch the pained expression crossing his face. You take a deep breath and force the words out.

“He said you wouldn't come to save me.” You close your eyes as a tear falls unbidden down your cheek, “He said you guys didn't think I was worth the trouble. That I wasn't worth saving.” 

You lean into the warmth of Tony's hand as he cups your face, his thumb brushing away the tears. Opening your eyes, you're met with Tony's reverent look as his hand slips from your face to take hold of yours.

“You know that couldn't be further from the truth.” His thumb rhythmically brushing over your hand as he continues, “look at everything you did for us today. Everything you put yourself though. For the team.” He lets out a deep sigh, pure guilt and regret painting his face, “I never should have let them pick you as hostage today. There was an argument about it when Loki came down from med bay.” You frown and go to interrupt but Tony cuts you off.

“Well not really an argument. More of Barnes and Myself lecturing everyone about their stupid choices.” You can't help the surprised look on your face making Tony huff out a laugh. “It was a weird moment for everyone involved, trust me, but no one argued. Even Loki knew he'd fucked up. Apparently he thought if he was there with you you'd be fine. None of us should have let that happen.” His expression shifts to sombre as he continues, “we should never have put you in that position, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” 

You lean into him, his arms wrap around you automatically. That same feeling from before washes over you again. You try to pin down what it is, your brow furrows in the process as you rest your head against his chest. You let it go, giving into it, closing your eyes and deciding to just enjoy his warmth, the smell of oil and grease mixing with sweat and the last faint notes of his lingering aftershave.

“Please know that we need you.” He says as he kisses the top of your head. He hesitates before adding “I need you,” your heart swells but you keep quiet. You're pretty sure you were supposed to catch that part as he whispered it so quietly into your hair. You stay in his embrace for a couple of minutes before pulling away.

“Well, that's gonna give my therapist plenty to unpack! What's your excuse for being up?” 

Tony laughs, clearly surprised by your change of tone, he rubs the back of his neck and begins frowning as he picks at invisible fluff on the blanket. 

“Hey,” you gently interrupt his thoughts causing him to look up at you, “you don't have to tell me, just talk to your therapist about it.” At that he clears his throat and quickly diverts his eyes to the floor. “Tony... you do have a therapist right?” The invisible fluff suddenly seeming fascinating to him. “Tony...”

“Don't. Please.” It's short and quiet but firm enough for you know get that you need to drop it at least for right now if you don't want him to just up and leave. 

You sigh, biting your lip to stop yourself from lecturing him about it and change tact, picking up the remote you resume the movie. He seems startled by your decision to actually drop it. You feel him looking at you, from the corner of you eye you catch him staring at you quizzically. A smile tugging at your lips you grab your not so hot chocolate and settle into the sofa. It's not long before Tony is shifting his position, his head landing in your lap. Your free hand automatically going to his hair. You feel rather than hear his hum of appreciation as you card your fingers through it. 

You say nothing other than occasionally quoting your favourite lines along with the movie, making him smile each time. You can't help but think, _even if I haven't got him to talk about what's bothering him at least I seem to be cheering him up a bit._ It's not until Westley's tumbling down the hill shouting “As you wish” that Tony speaks again. 

“I couldn't sleep.” You pause slightly, looking down at him, before resuming playing with his hair as you wait. With his eyes still trained on the movie he continues. “A lot happened today. I'd forgotten what it was like to have a laugh with the team. I'd forgotten what it was like to be a team.” 

He sighs, “I kissed you,” you freeze again at this, completely taken aback by his mentioning it. You hadn't had time to even remotely think about how you felt about that with everything else happening. 

“And then I watched you jump off a fucking bridge,” he chuckles and you relax again.

“It wasn't a big bridge... If it helps, remember I jumped off the bridge before you kissed me not as a result of it.” You laugh, he looks up at you for a moment with a small smile before turning back to the screen.

“It was a stupid thing to let get to me considering what the team does. But it was a totally unnecessary risk of your safety and I didn't know how to process it. It's no excuse for me acting like a dick to you. You're more than capable, I just... I didn't like it. But rather than saying anything I sat and stewed, wondering why it was bothering me so much.” 

You stare at the side of his face as he continues to look at the screen. “Then paint balling. When they chose you. I couldn't believe it... of all the people on our team.” His whole body tensed and you watch his jaw clench and release as he takes a few breaths. “I should have said something. I should have protected you from that.” 

You shift you hand down from his hair to take hold of his hand. “It wasn't your job to protect me Tony. I thought I'd be able to handle it, I could have said no, pretended it was part of the rules but I let it happen. That isn't on you.”

Finally he rolls onto his back to look up at you. His eyes full of guilt and remorse for not stopping what happened. For not interfering when he could have. You don't have the words to convince him that it was no more his fault than anyone else's so you do the only thing you can think of. You bend and carefully place a kiss to his forehead. Squeezing his hand, you sit back and give him a slightly embarrassed smile. 

Tony clears his throat before sitting up. _Oh shit, did I just fuck this up? Shit, shit, shit_. Tony interrupts your inner tirade of thoughts. 

“Pretty sure I'm gonna need a drink if you still want to hear the rest of this, you want anything?” 

Relief washes over you, you shake your head no and he heads to the kitchen. To your surprise the drink he comes back with is a bottle of water. You decide not to mention it but he grins a little as he clocks the look on your face before you manage to hide it. He flops down next to you, grabbing the blanket so it's covering both of your legs again. You watch a little more of the movie to try and distract yourself from rushing him while he gets comfy and takes a few glugs of his water. Your hands start to fidget. You never have been the most patient person on the planet but you're determined to wait until he's ready. 

“I guess I should fill you in on what you missed during the paint balling?” 

You frown at that, you hadn't really thought about what might have happened that you had missed while you were the hostage. The image of Tony and Bucky bursting through the door completely covered in the other teams paint flashes across your memory. You nod encouraging him to start.

“O.K. Well. I er... We took Clint to our bunker. I was already in a bit of a tail spin. They were trying to strategize and it was like I couldn't even hear them. I needed to get you out of there as fast as possible. I didn't give a fuck about paint ball. So the second the siren sounded I was gone, out the door. I could hear them shouting for me to come back but I covering as much ground as possible. I avoided most of their team pretty easily and it was all going pretty well until Barnes shot me.” 

You bite your lip, you know roughly what's coming based on the amount of paint on each of them but you can't help feel nervous about the details. 

“I guess you could say I didn't take it very well,” he chuckles lightly “I flipped out at him, shot him back.” You watch as he fidgets, picking at the invisible fluff again, coughing lightly to clear his throat. 

“It was him. Of everyone on their team that could have gotten in the way, it was him. I just saw red.” He sighed, his head falling into his hands, rubbing his eyes before pushing his hands through his hair. “Everything that had been simmering since the big blow out came out. I said... well... I said some things... he said some things. And each time we shot the each other. If Loki hadn't come when he had I'd have probably punched Barnes and he probably would have beaten the shit out of me.” He laughs awkwardly then, knowing full well that without his suit he's no match physically for Bucky.

“But the second Loki showed up it was like he hit a switch, we didn't matter, I needed to get to you. So when Loki said you'd asked specifically for Barnes to come I didn't even care.” He pauses for a second, grabbing his drink but settling for playing with the lid rather than drinking it. 

“When we got there. I don't know what I was expecting. Loki told us some on the way but... Seeing you there, like that. I froze. You looked so... broken. Like you'd shattered to pieces and the barest breeze would turn you to dust.” He swallows thickly. Your heart in your throat, you wish you'd taken him up on that drink. 

He takes a sip of his water, clears his throat and continues, “But Barnes... he just flew straight to you, no hesitation. Knew exactly what to do. Exactly how to help. Exactly what you needed. Watching him cradle you in his arms. Singing. That's when I really saw it for the first time.”

You stare at your lap for a moment utterly lost by what he was trying to say. When you lift your gaze back to him, he's dropped his head back into his hands. It's not until he looks back up at you that you see the redness of his eyes. You wanted to go to him, wrap your arms around him and keep that look from ever appearing on his face ever again. But you know he isn't finished. You know you need to wait. He needs to say whatever it is he's trying to get out, so you settle for grabbing hold of his hand with both of yours. You offer what you hope is an encouraging look and wait. 

He clears his throat again, takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “I could really see that he wasn't the guy that killed my parents.” Your sharp intake of breath happens automatically. You had no idea where he was going with this conversation but you certainly hadn't expected that.

“Watching the way he was with you, so careful, gentle even. For the first time since I found out that Bar... The Winter Soldier... killed my parents, I could separate the two. Now though, I don't know.” His voice breaks, rough and scratchy but still so small. “How do I...? I have nowhere to put my anger for The Winter Soldier. I have shit I need to work through. I have to figure out if I can be OK with the guy that is but also isn't the guy that murdered my parents. How do I work out how I deal with Rogers? If I'm ready to get over it or if it's still too much for me to let go.” 

Tears that had been welling in his eyes now roll down his cheeks. He's totally exposed, all walls down, everything bared to you and your heart breaks for him. He scoffs to himself, angrily brushing the tears from his face. “They aren't the same person, his friend isn't who I should be angry at but Rogers... He still knew. He knew and elected to hide it. Decided he had the right to keep that from me. He knew that hydra had my parents killed, even if he wasn't sure that it was Barnes. But rather than telling me... telling me, and giving me all the information, he just...” Tony's hands clenched into tight fists beneath your own. “He could have trusted me to handle it. We, the team, could have found out what really happened. But instead I had to find that out by some psychopath showing me a god damn fucking video of it.” 

A choking sob breaking through his anger is all it takes for all your resolve to finally crumble. You pull him to you, wrap your arms around him as tightly as possible. You allow your silent tears to fall, as he clings to you, crying into your shoulder. Eventually his tears subside and his breathing calms, but he doesn't let you go. You have no idea how long it is that you stay like that, both clinging to each other, all you know is that when he finally begins to pull away the movie is long over and the sun is starting to rise. 

Tony looks utterly wrecked, you imagine you probably don't look too dissimilar. With everything that you have said to each other it's hard to know what to say now. As usual Tony is quickest to think of something, his voice low and rough but his tone remarkably light. 

“Well, that's a shit tonne for whoever turns out to be my therapist to unpack. Along with the rest of my baggage.” You can't help but burst out laughing. Whether it's the emotional or physical exhaustion you both crack up into hysterics. When you eventually both calm down you reach over and steal his water realising just how long it had been since you had a drink. 

“Want to put the movie back on? Not much point going to bed now.” He asks, you nod handing him the remote. You're exhausted but you know he's right, if you go to bed now you'll probably sleep through lunch and mess up your sleeping habits more than they already are. After a quick argument about where to start from, _the start obviously_, the movie is back on and you're both sharing the blanket again. 

In less than ten minutes Tony has fallen asleep. You can't help but smile at him, black smudge still present on his temple from hours ago. He looks younger when he's asleep, anxieties and responsibilities erased from his face. You smirk slightly as an idea pops into head. You reach over to him, very slowly and as gently as possible, freezing at his slightest movement, you put a tiny braid in the front of his hair. You chuckle to yourself at how ridiculous it looks and settle back in to watch the movie. 

***

You stir, doing your best to ignore the hushed voices that disturbed you. You're so comfy you nestle into the source of your warmth, determined not to wake up just yet. Unfortunately that decision seems to be made for you when Thor's booming voice joins the whispering ones.

“Is there a reason you are all yet to enter the, OH!” 

“Shhhhh!”

You're about to sit up and tell them it really is pointless shushing someone that loudly when you're stopped, by the gentle tightening of an arm around your waist. You peek up to see Tony's eyes still closed and the slight smirk he's failing to hide. A smile tugs at your lips, you hide it by tucking yourself back into his chest. 

“When did this become a thing? Am I the only one that didn't know about this?” Clint sounds slightly put out but he's quickly shut down by Wanda.

“We don't know if anything has happened yet!” She scolds in a whisper, “all we know is that they fell asleep on the sofa. Let's not jump to conclusions.”

“Did it have to be here though? I was going to watch something with my breakfast. Can't they get a room?” Clint whines and Tony finally breaks.

“This is my tower Katniss, I own all the rooms.” 

His response seems to startle the group into scattering away but you clearly hear Clint and Thor laughing as they leave. You chuckle and look up to see Tony smiling down at you. You bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing at your handy work still intact in the front of his hair. Suddenly it dawns on you that you're essentially wrapped around each other. You clear your throat and pull away slightly, fighting the urge to just settle back in. 

“We better get up, if breakfast isn't started soon the super soldiers may expire.” 

“Around a hundred years old and they haven't expired yet, I'm sure they can manage a few more minutes.” He mumbles, closing his eyes and settling back into the couch. You chuckle and move to get up, breaking free of Tony's arms despite his best efforts. He grumbles, eyeing you with a pout before giving a deep sigh and getting up to follow you into the kitchen.

“You know Clint is the one most likely to cry about not being fed on time, not Beauty and the Beast.” 

You laugh, turning away from him to grab everything you need to start making enough food to feed an army. “I'll be sure to let Steve know you think he's beautiful, he may even return your feelings. Who knew? After all this time, it turns out all the tension around here was sexual!” 

You gasp as you feel him behind you, his arms reaching around essentially caging you between him and the counter. Heart racing, your eyes flutter shut when he leans so close without actually touching you but close enough that you feel the warmth radiating from him and his breath on your ear as he speaks.

“Rogers wouldn't know sexual tension if it punched him in the face with a vibranium fist. Oh wait...”

You let out a breathy laugh, trying and failing to sound totally unaffected by your current position. As quickly as it started it was over. Tony slips away from you, stealing the blueberries from your pile and leaving you flustered. He perches on a stool back at the counter with a smug smile. You clear your throat, gather your wits and decide to follow your instincts before your brain has a chance to talk to out of it. 

Turning to him with a smirk of your own, you casually walk towards him settling yourself between his knees. Your gaze follows your fingertips as they slowly graze over his arm. 

“I still need those.” You whisper as you take the blueberries back from him. Your eyes flit back to his and the look of pure wonder on his face. Picking a blueberry from the pack you slowly lift it, slipping it in your mouth, sucking your finger lightly as you remove it. Your eyes close as you deliberately let out a soft moan as you bite into the berry. Opening your eyes, you flick your gaze down to his mouth and bite of your lip. Tony audibly swallows, his hands gripping his thighs tightly. 

“If you two are quite finished eye fucking over the fruit, I'd like to keep some of my appetite for breakfast.” You practically leap backwards cursing under your breath at Loki's voice, spilling some blueberries on the floor as a result. 

“Trying out a new hairstyle Stark? I must say it's a bold choice.” His voice dripping with humour as he maintains his straight face.

You snort, covering it with a cough as you try to keep your poker face. Confusion flooding Tony's face as he lifts a hand to run through his hair, finding the braid. His head snaps to face you, a blend of shock and begrudging pride moulding his features sending you into a fit of laughter. With a bright smile at you he rolls his eyes.

“And on that note I think I'll go take a shower.” 

“For the sake of everyone else in this tower, make it a cold one.” Loki calls after him, earning him another laugh from you and a two finger salute from Tony. 

“I don't know what you're laughing at. If you weren't about to make breakfast I'd be suggesting you have one too.” He swiftly disappears the spilled fruit for you as you bend to pick them up. “Honestly, as amusing as it's been to watch you dance around each other for the last couple of months, you two really should just get on with it.”

“Who should get on with what? Oooo are you making waffles?” Nat saunters into the kitchen, heading straight for the coffee maker. You elbow Loki in the ribs, shooting him a look before he gets the chance to say anything. He smirks at you but thankfully keeps his mouth shut. 

Getting back to making breakfast the conversation moves to easier subjects as everyone starts to filter back in, drawn by the smell of food. It's a surprisingly fun atmosphere. Everyone opting to stay around the island, while Thor helps you finish up. Listening to the team banter easily behind you, stalling only for a moment when Tony returns before quickly picking back up again, you can't help the joy that fills you. You and Thor decide it's best to serve up buffet style and just let everyone take what they want. You grab yourself some waffles and a generous serving of berries, pour over your maple syrup and settle down to eat.

“You'd better eat plenty today Y/N. You wont want to do tonight on an empty stomach.” Nat says as she takes another long sip of her coffee.

“What's tonight?” You ask through a mouthful of food.

She looks over to Wanda throwing her a wink before looking back at you with a mischievous grin. “We're taking you out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, this was the hardest chapter for me to write so far (I feel like I say this after every chapter but) any comments or suggestions are so appreciated.


	7. Girls Night

** _“You'd better eat plenty today Y/N. You wont want to do tonight on an empty stomach.” Nat says as she takes another long sip of her coffee._ **

** _“What's tonight?” You ask through a mouthful of food._ **

** _ She looks over to Wanda throwing her a wink before looking back at you with a mischievous grin. “We're taking you out.”_ **

Swallowing hard against the slight panic swirling in your gut you put your fork down and stare at the pair of them.

“I'm sorry, what?”

“We're going out. You, Wanda and Me.” She speaks slowly, exaggerating as if talking to a child. You scoff at her. 

“No. No we are not. Not a chance!” You laugh, glancing at the others in the hopes they would come to your aid but with each of them avoiding eye contact you have no such luck. They all know better than to argue with Nat. 

“Yes, we are. You don't have a say in the matter I'm afraid.” Nat says taking another long sip of her coffee. “You need to get out of here and have some fun!” You're about to say you all went out yesterday, and before paint balling it had been fun, but she fixes you with a look before you get the chance and continues. “No, yesterday doesn't count. Even before... that. You were focused on us and making sure everyone else had fun, this is for you.” 

“But if it's for me, surely I should get a say in what we do?” You retort lightly, somehow managing to keep your desperation from seeping into your voice. 

“Too late, the calls have been made and it's all sorted. Though we probably do need to get you some new clothes.” You gape at her as she gives you a grin. 

“What's wrong with my clothes?!” You bring your arms around yourself, suddenly feeling self conscious despite knowing she obviously isn't talking about your pyjamas. Your discomfort is clear enough that Wanda steps in. 

“Nothing!” She shoots Nat a small glare before turning back to you. “There's nothing wrong with what you wear. You've just not been out anywhere dressy since you got here so we thought you might not have anything.” 

You let out a small sigh, relaxing slightly as you realise they're right. You have absolutely nothing suitable for a night out. Especially nothing that would be appropriate for a night that Nat is planning. You hope more than anything that she's planned something other than the nightmare scenario you have buzzing round your head. People packed too tightly together, too loud to hear yourself think let alone what anyone says. Not being able to keep an eye on at least one, preferably two exits at all times. The feeling of being surrounded, trapped with no way out. Pushing the rising tide of anxiety down you resolve to at least try. Prove to yourself you can do it, you can and will do normal things again. 

“Fine. Let's go now then, at least get the shopping over with. Fancy having lunch somewhere after?”

Nat perks up at her win, agreeing. She finishes her coffee, finally grabbing herself some of the scraps of breakfast left behind by the boys and happily taking her plate to her room. The boys, who had stayed remarkably quiet, pick up their conversations with each other and the atmosphere lightens again. You hadn't even noticed how tense the boys had been until the tension had gone. You worry your lip. 

“Stop that.” Loki nudges you and your lip slips free. “Don't over think it, love. You'll be fine.” He keeps his voice low, just enough for you to hear but no one else. 

“Of course I'll be fine, why wouldn't I be?” You start eating again in an attempt to prove just how fine you are. Loki quirks a disbelieving eyebrow at you. 

“Don't look at me like that,” you glare at him and he chuckles quietly.

“Then get out of your head or I'll join you in there.”

A huff of a laugh pushes it's way through your annoyance. “You're not Wanda, you can't do that.”

“Can't I?” His tone practically daring you to argue.

You stare at him and he brakes into a smirk so you know he's lying. You dig your elbow into his ribs with a shake of your head. You can't help but smile at your brightening mood, glancing up at him he gives you a small nod and continues with his food. 

Finishing your waffles, you grab your plate, rinse it off and put it in the dishwasher. You lean against the counter for a second with a sigh before pushing yourself off to quickly get ready to leave. 

***

At the ping of the elevator you push yourself off the wall, grab your pile of shopping bags and make your way into your suite. Spotting Loki lounging on your sofa with a book you pause, quirking an eyebrow. You huff a laugh when he doesn't bother to look up at your entrance. 

“Oh no, don't get up, I've got it.” You quip.

“I was under the impression you were capable of handling the weight of a gown. Was I wrong?” Loki rolls his eyes dramatically before vanishing his book and finally looking up at you. His eyes widen comically as he catches sight of the amount you're carrying and you can't contain the laugh that bubbles through you. “Norns, are there any garments left inside the stores you frequented or did you clean them out?” 

You grin at him before you take everything through to drop them on your bed. Shopping had been more fun than you remembered it being. Lunch after was just enough to quell your nerves about this evening. Nat and Wanda had both given you their assurances that you'd actually enjoy tonight and they promised that you would all leave the second you gave the word. The cocktails didn't hurt either. You check your watch, noting you only have a couple of hours left before you're expected to meet the girls. Pulling dress after dress out of your bags you hang them up. You glance behind you when Loki appears at your door, leaning against the frame he roves a critical eye over them. 

He hums quietly, crossing his arms over his chest. “I'm not going to have to sit through you trying all of these on am I?” 

“Ha, as tempting at it would be to put you through that ordeal, no. I'm just deciding which one to wear tonight.” You turn your back to him, appraising each dress individually, you grab a few and put them away leaving you with just three options left. “All right, which one?”

“I'm not the authority on Midguardian fashion, Pet.” Frowning at him you give him a sceptical look. “Fine,” He glides over to you, trailing his fingertips over each dress. He takes a couple of steps away from you. Pursing his lips slightly and squinting at you as he flits his gaze between you and the outfits. “That one.” He decides, finally pointing to the most daring and unsurprisingly most expensive one. 

“Perfect,” you grin as you grab the dress to the left of the one he chose. 

“That's not...” his brow furrows as you sweep past him to the bathroom. 

“Oh, I know. I just happen to have a rule I live by when taking fashion advice from you. Find out whichever your first instinct is and then dial it back a bit.” You turn, catching his half offended expression mixing with the ghost of a smirk. You throw him a wink before closing the door behind you.

***

Exiting the bathroom wrapped in your robe you perch on the end of your bed. You take the time to style your hair before moving closer to your mirror to start on your make-up. You're almost done when Loki strolls back into your room. 

“God, did you not leave yet?” Your tone dripping in sarcasm as you catch his eye in the mirror. 

Loki scoffs, “What? And turn up early to the mandatory “Guy's Night” that's been arranged since Romanoff's announcement? I don't think so.” 

“Ah, so that's why you were hiding in my room when I got back. What's on the agenda for tonight?”

“I'm afraid I, like you, am in the dark about their plans. A particularly secretive bunch aren't they.” He chuckles to himself. 

Putting the finishing touches to your lipstick you give your work a quick once over. You smile to yourself, feeling good about the way it's highlighting your favourite features nicely. _When was the last time I put on anything more than a bit of mascara and some concealer? Maybe I should do this more often._ You pack away your lipstick, zipping the bag to keep everything in it's place before heading back to get your dress from the bathroom. 

You run your hand over the black skirt of your dress, allowing the cool material to slip easily through your fingers. Happily you note the steam from your shower has dropped the few creases it had gained on your way home. Taking it from it's hanger you slip into it. You hastily head back to your bedroom, straight to the full length mirror. 

Your breath catches slightly as you look at the version of yourself staring back. Your eyes rove over your body. The gold beading glinting in the light as you shift to see yourself from as many angles as possible. If you hadn't watched each part come together, one by one, you'd hardly believe it was you. You look like your old self, the self you thought had been taken from you forever inside that ice cold torture chamber. Your vision blurs as tears begin to well in your eyes, you blink them back, determined not to let some silly emotions ruin your hard work. 

“What is it, Pet?” The concern in Loki's voice brings your gaze to his in the mirror. 

“Nothing. It's nothing, just...” You let out a deep sigh before shaking it off and brightening up again. “What do you think?” 

You spin round to face him, striking an overly dramatic pose. The speed at which you mood changes startles a laugh from him before he can regain his stoic composure. Only the ghost of a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth give him away. He hums. Bringing his hand up to stroke his chin, he pauses before motioning for you to twirl. You roll your eyes but play along giving him a quick pirouette. 

“I hate to say this, Darling.” he frowns and a knot twists in your stomach. “I was wrong. That dress is perfect.” It looks like it almost pains him to say it and the wave of relief that floods you brings a laugh along with it. He smiles then, and you can practically see the cogs turning in his head. 

“Whatever idea just came to you, the answer is no.” His jaw drops slightly before morphing into a smirk. Turning your back to him you search for you phone among the bags.

“I was merely entertaining the idea of going along with you tonight. Solely for me to escape my oaf of a brother and his band of merry men that can just about tolerate each other.”

“Loki, it's a girls night. You'll have to get by without the option of hiding out in the library with me for one evening.” You go to give him an exasperated look over your shoulder but a your jaw hangs open at the sight of him. 

You turn slowly as you try to absorb the image in front of you. Loki stands before you, only it's not the Loki you've seen every day for the last six months. His hair is longer, hanging in waves past his chest and over his slimmer shoulders, his waist tapers and curves smoothly to his hips, his legs mostly concealed by the shimmering black fabric draping beautifully over his pale skin only showing through the daring slit up to his thigh. The biggest difference was quite simply that he was no longer presenting, as a he. He stands before you, stunningly beautiful, his features somehow softer while maintaining their angular lines, perfectly applied make-up and wearing the plunging dress he'd picked out for you with matching stiletto heels. 

He quirks an eyebrow at you, a smug smirk plastered on his face. “So, girls night?” His voice sultry and deep but distinctly feminine. 

You stare at him for a moment longer. He's beautiful. Striking, intimidating, elegant and deadly. _Damn it. Why do I have to have a thing for women that look like they could murder me in a second? _And yet, there's something so distinctly him still there that's enough to distract you from it. _It's the eyes. _You think,_ and the smirk. _The only things that give him away and only to those who know him well enough. _Thank God he doesn't look like this all the time. He'd never let me live it down if he was actually my type. _You shake yourself out of it to recover your wits. You clear your throat to cover your gulp and fix him with what you hope is a stern look.

“Loki,” your eyes widen at how breathy your voice comes out, you cough. Mentally scolding yourself, you realise that he's likely done this on purpose. Deliberately chosen a form he knew you would appreciate, thus making you more likely to give in. You start again, remembering that it's just Loki, not a stunning woman in front of you.

“Loki, you are not coming with us tonight. You should however, stay in this get up, it'd certainly liven up your guy's night.” 

His face screws up at your suggestion and you laugh as a flash of green light ripples over him, turning him back to his usual disgruntled self. 

“If you so much as imply that again...” He lets the empty threat hang in the air when you flash him a grin. You grab the small heels you'd bought to match your dress and slip into them. Pulling yourself up to full height, you tuck your phone in your purse and with a final nod to Loki you stroll past him to the lift. 

When the elevator doors part you lift your chin up. Keeping you head high you steel yourself for the evening ahead. The click of your heels echoes through the hall announcing your arrival ahead of your appearance. As you enter the communal area the girls are already there with their eyes trained on you. Wanda's face lights up as she grins at you, bounding forward to give you an excited embrace. You stumble slightly with the force of her collision and you laugh freely as you return her hug. Over her shoulder you see Nat leaning against the counter, a smug smile on her lips as she nods her approval. 

Wanda pulls away from you, keeping her hands on your shoulders as she looks you over. “You look incredible! Holy shit.” 

You chuckle at her reaction. “Should I be offended by your level of shock?” You grin at her as she stumbles over counter arguments and apologies before she's interrupted. 

“Fuck.” Tony's quiet comment pulls your attention to his arrival behind you. There's a light fluttering in your chest as he gazes at you, eyes wide. His attention travels up your legs and over your body before landing squarely at your face. He watches as you return the favour. Allowing yourself to rove your eyes over him; dark jeans gripping his thighs, shirt tucked in yet casual with the sleeves rolled up baring his forearms. You lick your bottom lip, pulling it between your teeth absent mindedly when you take in his biceps straining the material surrounding them. _Christ, did he ask Steve for tips on how to get his shirt that tight?_ When you finally make it back to his face there's a ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. You feel your face heat when you realise just how long you've been staring at each other. Nat chuckles at the pair of you. 

“If you two are quite finished, we do have a girls night to get to.” 

You snort when you try to contain your laugh. Grinning at her you shrug your shoulders and motion dramatically for her to lead the way. She rolls her eyes at you as she sashays past, back toward the lift. Wanda follows suit, linking her arm with yours and pulling you with her. Your shoulder gently bushes against Tony's as you pass. His fingers trailing lightly over your wrist, gaze locked on you as he turns to watch you leave. Deliberately adding a bit more sway to your hips as you walk, you smile to yourself when your hear Tony's poorly stifled groan. You prop yourself against the back wall of the lift and lock your eyes on Tony's; a shiver runs down your spine at the heat in his eyes. You can't help yourself, putting on your most sultry look you run your tongue across your lip, smirking as it makes him gulp. The doors begin to close and you throw him a wink just before they shut completely. 

Wanda's chuckle reminds you that you're not alone. Flitting your eyes between them, they're both watching you, seeming highly amused by your little display. 

“What?” you ask as casually as you can manage.

“At least you guys used to be subtle about it. You may as well have mounted him!” Nat laughs freely causing Wanda to chuckle again. 

You don't feel a drop of embarrassment. You're still unclear on what the deal is with Tony, the kiss only having been mentioned once in passing and swiftly moved on from leaves you with unanswered questions. With everything that's gone on since you've hardly had a second to really think about it all. Your life is complicated, you know this, with your new and developing powers that you can rarely seem to control the second your emotions come into play. You need to work on putting yourself back together and Tony would hardly be an uncomplicated addition. The man comes with his own skyscraper full of baggage. But the flirting is fun and you don't delve too deeply into the warmth inside you, blooming from the happiness of just being around him, filling your chest and radiating through your veins. For now, it's enough. 

The ride to the ground floor is a short one and the three of you are soon slipping into one of the teams' huge black SUVs. You breeze through the city with little trouble, despite the usual traffic, and soon pull up directly in front of the doors to the venue. Stepping out of the car you find yourself outside a club with no name but a line that goes on for at least a block. Nat and Wanda simultaneously link arms with you and guide you straight to the front of the line. Without a word from either of them the bouncers step aside to let you in, ignoring the protests from people that have obviously been waiting for a long time. 

The music hits you as you make your way through the dark hall. A smile lights your face, turning to Nat she gives you a smug look. Wanda opens the door standing between you and club, confirming your suspicions. It opens to a wide, dimly lit room packed with small tables, a long bar to your left and glass along the walls, giving you a view of the stage no matter which direction you're facing. The stage itself is lit in blues and pinks and is currently occupied by four women in lingerie, dancing sensually and hitting every beat of the music as the lead lip-syncs to the song. _Burlesque._

“How did you know?” You ask incredulously, glad that you only have to raise your voice a little to be heard over the music. 

“Super spy.” Nat laughs. Tugging you towards a thin black staircase you hadn't noticed, leading up to a small private balcony with perfect view and a table for three. 

As the three of you sit down a smartly dressed waiter with dark hair and smoky eyeliner appears from nowhere to take your drinks order, disappearing just as quickly. Leaning back into your seat you gaze over the railing to take in the room around you. You clock two exits easily and feel some tension roll off your shoulders. Eyes drifting back to the stage, long forgotten memories of your time at college come flooding back to you. 

“Seriously though, how did you know about this?” You turn back to them, eyeing them suspiciously. 

“When there was first talk about letting you join the team it was put down to a vote. We all had time to think about it, not that most of us needed it.” Wanda smiles at you reassuringly “But we were all given a small file with some basic background.” 

“And my burlesque experience was relevant enough to be in that file?” You laugh. 

“No,” Nat smirks and shrugs, “I may have done a little extra digging. I like to know who I'm working with.” 

You chuckle to yourself, “Well, at least I know the guys didn't just let me on the team in hopes of a dance!” 

Laughing Nat continues, “don't worry, that information was kept solely between us girls. I'd pay good money to see the look on their faces if they found out though”

You can't help but laugh at the image it provokes. Your drinks arrive and your in the middle of taking a long sip when you catch the glint in Wanda's eyes. 

“No. Definitely not.” You laugh.

“What? I didn't say anything.” She grins at you mischievously.

“Nat you really need to help her work on her poker face. Her thoughts are practically painted in technicolour!” 

“Oh come on! Are you really telling me you don't want to see that? Tony may actually have a heart attack.” Wanda counters. Stifling your laugh you shake your head at her. Nat finishes off her first drink before finally chipping in. 

“We'll see if she can't be persuaded after a few more drinks.”

As if he'd been waiting for his cue, the waiter reappears with a second round you don't remember anyone ordering. He winks at Nat when he passes her her drink and announces they're on the house. Nat throws him a smouldering look as he backs away, laughing the second he's gone. 

“Oof, you'd eat that poor guy alive.” Nat merely wiggles her eyebrows at you, a smile tugging at her lips pulling a snort from you and a giggle from Wanda. 

The night continues in the same effortless way, drinks flowing as the three of you alternate between watching the dancers, singing along with the music, laughing at every stupid thing someone says and flirting with the waiter that blushes furiously when you all lay it on thicker with each drink. You're all in the middle of another laughing fit when Nat suddenly adopts an incredibly serious expression, pointing it straight in your direction.

“So, can we finally talk about what the hell is going on between you and Tony?”

You hide your smile behind your drink and put on your most innocent face. “Whatever do you mean?” 

“I mean, when are you two going to stop eye-fucking each other and actually fuck each other?” You're glad you'd just swallowed the last of your drink when you cough at her bluntness, Wanda isn't so lucky and spits a bit of her drink out as she fails to contain her laughter. You pat her back as she splutters.

“We do not eye-fuck each other, why do people keep saying that?!” You laugh but it's a lie, and you know why. 

“Oh sure. And we didn't witness one such instance just before we left the tower.” She gives you a knowing look.

“We flirt... there's nothing wrong with that, you flirt with the guys all the time.” 

“So you're gonna stick the with story that nothing happened between you last night?” She fixes you with a disbelieving look. You avoid her stare under the pretence of searching for the waiter. When you don't say anything she soften slightly and starts again. “All right, but can you at least enlighten us on how you guys ended up falling asleep cuddling on the sofa?”

You see the cheeky grin she gives you out of the corner of your eye and you know she's giving you an out if you want it. You almost want to take it, duck out of this conversation entirely. It's one thing to joke about the obvious flirtation between you but a whole other thing to actually talk about your feelings on the matter. You take a deep breath, holding it for a second before releasing it and finally meeting her eyes again. 

“I had a nightmare. I went up to make a hot chocolate and something to eat, thanks for leaving the note for Clint by the way.” You smirk at her and she chuckles but says nothing, just waits for you to continue. You clear your throat, “I started watching a movie and Tony came up to get a coffee. He looked awful, utterly exhausted. We talked. That's all. And then it was so late, or early or whatever, we figured there was no point going back to bed. We put the movie back on and fell asleep. There's nothing to tell.” You shrug. 

They exchange a sceptical glance, okay so that wasn't completely true. But you can't bring yourself to tell them what you talked about and that's not the kind of dirt they're digging for. You bite your lip as you toy with the idea of saying any more. A smile breaks across your face as the image of Tony pushing you up against the wall dances through your mind. 

“A-ha! I knew it! I knew something happened!” Nat grins, pointing her finger and you in mock accusation. 

“You asked what happened last night and I told you the truth. You're the one that taught me not to answer a question I wasn't asked.” You smirk at Nat and she rolls her eyes but laughs. Their eager faces watch you as they wait and you know there's no way they're letting this drop now. 

“Fine, let's broaden the question. What happened that made you guys switch from checking each other out when you thought no one was looking, to trying to undress each other with nothing but your eyes?” She tilts her head slightly to the side and looks at you with an expectant smile. 

“I- We- er...” you fumble over your words, deciding to blame it on the drinks rather than your suddenly racing pulse. You shake you head slightly to clear your thoughts. “At laser quest, after I jumped off the bridge.” Nat grins at the memory but you can still see her trying to figure out where this is going.

“I was trying to get away from Loki, trying to find somewhere to hide. Tony pulled me into this tiny little gap.” A heat blooms from your core at the memory, making it's way through your veins only aided by the amount you've had to drink. “We kissed,” Wanda gasps and claps her hand over her mouth and Nat lets out a triumphant laugh. “And then he shot me, and that was it.” You laugh. 

Wanda beams at you before her brow then furrows in confusion. Nat is looking like she's trying to complete a puzzle that's missing a few pieces but Wanda is the first to question you on it.

“So you guys kissed, and then obviously other stuff happened yesterday. But you spent the whole night talking, somehow fell asleep cuddling together and nothing happened? What the hell did spend all that time talking about?!” She asks incredulously, then looks slightly shocked at her own outburst, “Sorry, sorry. I just... What?” 

You give her a soft smile, “We talked about my nightmares, and about what happened at paint balling. I told him about my flashbacks and he... told me what I missed while I was out. The kiss didn't exactly come up.” You shift uncomfortably in your seat. It's only a half lie but you hope it's enough to satisfy them.

Nat knows. She knows you're holding back some of the story. But she also knows you've already given out more than you'd wanted to and clearly decides not to push it. You look back out over the balcony to watch the dancers as another round of drinks arrives at your table. Enough time passes without a question aimed at you that you assume Nat has somehow silently cut off anything else Wanda had wanted to ask. 

After a couple of awkward minutes Nat declares she needs the bathroom and drags Wanda away with her. She tosses you a reassuring smile and a nod as they descend the staircase into the club, leaving you alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I know this took me forever but the next chapter is well on the way so hopefully you wont have to wait as long for that one! Thank you for making it this far and sticking with me. Comments and Kudos give me life so if the urge takes you please drop me one.


	8. Look Who I Found.

_**After a couple of awkward minutes Nat declares she needs the bathroom and drags Wanda away with her. She tosses you a reassuring smile and a nod as they descend the staircase into the club, leaving you alone. **_

Slowly sipping at your drink, a hit of alcohol to take the edge off, you feel a buzz coming from your bag. Quickly pulling out your phone you smile to yourself. 

**Save me from these oafs. L.**

_What's in it for me? _

**My company isn't enough? L. **

_Is that supposed to be a selling point?_

**You wound me, Pet. They all have such terrible pokerfaces. Honestly, it's like taking money from children. L. **

_Like taking candy from a baby._

**Why would I take sweets from a babe? L. **

You can't help but laugh at that one. 

_It's a common saying, please don't ask me it's origin because I have no idea. I'm afraid you're gonna have to put up with taking their money tonight, I'm not bailing you out. _

**I truly despise you. L. **

_Should I help them win their money back, if you “truly despise” me so? _

**They're beyond even your help, Darling. L. **

_You underestimate my power. _

**Give it your best shot, Pet. Lord knows they need all the help they can get. L. **

You chuckle to yourself, putting your phone on the table you rest your arms on the railing casting your eyes back to the dancers, your mood elevated slightly. Mere seconds later your phone buzzes again. Rolling your eyes you pick it back up and your heart jumps a little to see it's Tony. 

**Please keep texting him, I was finally winning some money back. X **

You grin at the little x at the end of his message before scolding yourself, you're not in high school for Christ sake. 

_What makes you think he was texting me? x _

** You're kidding right? X **

_Fair point. If it helps, he's very bored of taking all your money. x_

**He must be cheating somehow. X **

_Get a better pokerface. Loki knows your tells already. x_

**I have an excellent pokerface. You must have some way to help me beat him? Please, Honey. X **

Your heart stutters at the pet name and you play with your phone for a minute before an idea crosses your mind. After all Loki did practically challenge you to help them win. 

_Try telling him you wouldn't mind losing to him if he was a woman. x_

When you don't get a reply questioning how that would help you set your phone back on the table. The music changes to one of the tracks you used to dance to and you feel a pang of longing to get back into it, you miss the feeling of empowerment that went along with it. Every insecurity used to fall away the second the first beat hit you. There's a level of control given to you when you dance and you crave it. You're startled out of your reverie when your phone buzzes again. You take a long drink before picking it up and seeing two messages. 

**Traitorous wench. L. **

And,

**That was beautiful. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough. X **

You laugh at them, despite knowing you'll most likely be in trouble with Loki tomorrow, your mood is significantly better so you can't help but feel like it was worth it. Finishing off your drink you go to order another when one is planted directly in front of you. You look from it up to Nat, she gives you a small nod and then sits back down to watching the dancers. The awkwardness that had fallen over your group evaporates upon their return and you switch back to lighter topics. 

Your mind turns a little fuzzy after a few shots (Nat's suggestion) and you decide it's probably best to slow down a bit. Wanda's in the middle of another giggle fit when the music changes to one of her favourite songs. You and Nat sing along with her as she watches the dancers. As the song ends the dancers complete a particularly difficult move drawing gasps from the crowd. You watch her excitement dance behind her eyes and you know what's coming next. 

“Pleaaassee!” She looks at you with wide eyes, batting her eyelashes. 

“I'm not teaching you burlesque.” You laugh, “there's no way the guys wouldn't find out and then we'll never hear the end of it!” 

Nat chuckles into her drink and nods in agreement. “It would be fun though.” She adds. 

“For a whole second I thought you were on my side!” You say as you dramatically clutch your chest. 

“The idea of the guys finding out doesn't have the same effect on me as it seems to have on you.”

You roll your eyes at her, knowing full well that she'd enjoy the extra ammunition to use when she flirts with them. Wanda takes in a sharp breath as an idea pops into her head.

“What if we could control the way they found out?” You narrow your eyes at her, trying to figure out how you'd manage that. “If we practice in private? We tell the guys we're doing some 'girly' thing their man brains would automatically write off. We wait for one of Tony's big parties, there's always a stage, and then we surprise them with it.” 

Your mouth agape you stare at her, trying to work out if she's serious. She's waiting for your answer with nothing other than expectation and you know she is. “Wanda, you want me to... perform for them and whoever else Tony invites to his party?” 

You go to shoot it down but something inside you gives you pause. The tiny part of your past begging you to get back on the stage. Wanda must sense that you're debating it because she doesn't respond to your question, she just waits. 

“If we did this, and I mean IF, I don't want to wait too long. The longer we take the more chance there is that the guys would find out.” 

Genuine surprise washes over Nat's face and Wanda practically vibrates with excitement, sensing her victory. You shake your head with a grin on your face as you watch her. 

“God I must be drunk for even considering this, I make no promises until I'm sober!” You laugh when Wanda leaps out of her seat to hug you and Nat pats you on the back in support. 

“Right let's get out of here, I think Wanda's had enough for tonight.” Nat smirks when Wanda shoots her a dirty look that quickly morphs into a grin. The three of you stand. When Wanda wobbles a little Nat gives you a knowing look and you both link arms with her. Dropping by the bar you make sure your waiter gets his generous tip for putting up with the three of you all evening and head out. 

The ride back to the tower is filled with Wanda chatting excitedly about when you guys could train and what your excuse should be to fool the rest of your team. As you pull up out front, both you and Nat remind her that if she wants even a chance of it happening she needs to stop talking about it for now. The lift zooms you up to the communal floor. As the doors open you're greeted by the loud sound of the guys all talking over each other animatedly. 

Leaving Nat to help Wanda, you scoot ahead to the kitchen to get her some water. Reaching up to grab a clean glass from the cupboard you feel yourself swaying slightly, the pleasant buzz of alcohol in your head. Leaning against the sink to steady yourself, you fill her glass for her. Wanda positively beams at you and pats your cheek when she takes the water from you, eliciting a chuckle from you just as Sam wanders in. A huge grin spreads across his face as he sees the three of you. 

“Heeeyy, the real party's arrived!” He's clearly had a few drinks but who hasn't at this point. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a big hug before holding you at arms length, “you look great, Regan.” You groan and push him away from you, hitting him playfully in the arm. 

“Let it go Sammy, it was one time! I was sick one time! And I still blame you for making me train so hard after how much we'd eaten.” He laughs loudly pulling you back to him with an arm around your shoulders.

“One time is all it takes. And what a one it was.” You go to hit him again and he catches your wrist. “Keep that up and I won't give you your present.” 

You eye him suspiciously, “present? What for? What did you do?” 

He laughs, stepping away from you to grab your gift from the counter top. He holds it up in front of you, waving it in a teasing manner. 

“Hey, I'm pretty sure I could sell this for a lot more than I paid for it so if you don't want it...” 

Your eyes light up, mouth dropping open making him laugh at you again. You hold your hands out and he places the bright orange model classic car in your grasp. You turn it gently, admiring it before throwing Sam grin.

“1970 Plymouth Hemi Superbird.” 

“Damn, now I owe Stark twenty bucks.”

“Samuel Thomas Wilson... I take back every bad word I've ever said about you. Thank you.” He takes it back from you, placing it safely on the counter, and wraps an arm around your shoulder. He puts on an air of false modesty, placing his hand on his chest to accentuate his point. 

“I do what I can for my loyal fans.” He beams before his brow furrows, “What bad things have you been saying about me?”

Smirking you roll your eyes at him and he leads you into the lounge. The guys are all sprawled in various positions around the room, each with a drink in their hand. “Look who I found!” Sam announces throwing his free arm in the air for dramatic effect and you're greeted by loud happy, if slightly sloppy, cheers.

You grin at the sight of them. Thor must have provided some of his Asguardian liquor for the evening, even the super soldiers are looking more on the tipsy side. Your eyes seek out Tony on their own accord, finding his gaze already locked on you. Your heart flutters and a heat sparks in your core. Unlike the others, who's glassy eyes give away their drink addled state, Tony's eyes are sharp and clear. His slightly dishevelled clothing being the only indicator that he's any worse for ware than when you left. 

Sam breaks the spell between you when he pulls you with him to sit down. He drops to the floor in front of on one of the large sofas leaving you a space in the middle of Thor and Loki. You lean over to where Steve's sat on the floor and ruffle his hair. He scrunches his face up at you and laughs.

“Had a good night in the end then?” He smiles at you softly.

“Of course, never doubted it for a minute” you reply in mock seriousness and he just laughs at you again. 

You rest your head against Thor, kick off your heels and put your feet up directly on Loki's lap, wiggling your toes with an innocent smile on your face. Looking over at Loki he's watching you with a poorly hidden amused smile.

“I see, first you betray me to Stark and now you want a foot rub?”

“Call it your punishment for underestimating me.” 

He chuckles with a nod and promptly begins massaging your aching feet. Thor's laugh rumbles through you as he watches his brother in amazement. Your eyes drift shut as Loki works, only to open again lazily when Nat and Wanda enter the room laughing. 

“It's so quiet in here now! You guys were so loud when we came out of the lift, what happened?” Wanda asks loudly as she drops to sit on the arm of Visions seat. 

“How about some music to liven this place up?” Nat grins and Wanda's face lights up again.

“Yes! I want to dance! You'll dance with me won't you Vis?” She looks at him expectantly drawing laughs from around the room. You're certain if it was possible for Vision to blush he would have but he's looking at her so softly you know he won't refuse. 

“What have you got FRIDAY? Give us your best shot,” Nat directs towards the AI.

In just a couple of seconds music begins to sound from hidden speakers throughout the whole floor. Nat nods her head with an impressed look on her face. Wanda cheers grabbing Vision's hands, they pull each other up and start moving with the music. Thor shifts slightly making you look up at him only to find he's already looking at you. 

“Would you care to dance, my Lady?” He grins at you and he looks like a puppy made of sunshine. 

You nod and he rises swiftly holding a hand out to you. You chuckle at him when you take it, standing from the sofa before dropping into a low exaggerated curtsy.

“Your Majesty”. He laughs openly and moves you into a bigger space to give you both room. You find Thor is a great dancer, he moves with you easily, keeping a respectable distance and you're filled with fondness for him. 

Before long Nat has pulled Steve, Bucky and Sam up to dance, some more awkwardly than others but everyone has had enough to drink to not be embarrassed by their own actions. You switch partners with Nat to dance with Sam at the next song, laughing with him the whole time. Nat pulls you over to her and you dance together as a four for a while before Steve and Bucky join you. As another song ends you flick you gaze to Loki who's watching you all with great amusement. He catches your eye and shakes his head with a smirk, you nod as you dance over to him. He's still shaking his head as you grab his hand to pull him up, he follows easily with no resistance. You bring him into the group but he hangs back a little. Your hand still laced in his you tug him forward and he frowns at you making you laugh. You sing as you dance, feeling the music move through you. 

A smile lights your face when you catch sight of Nat pulling a reluctant Bruce up to dance. Your eyes flit over the group and find just one missing. Searching the sofas you still come up empty. Your gaze drifts over to the kitchen finding no one; you frown to yourself, a pull in your gut wanting to keep looking for him. You shake your head quickly, determined to stay and enjoy yourself. Plastering a smile back on your face you look to Loki and point at his near empty glass. He smiles broadly at you with a nod and follows you to the kitchen. 

You search the freezer for where you know Thor poorly hides his liquor. Pulling the bottle out with a triumphant cheer, Loki takes it from you, topping up his drink as you grab yourself a glass. You hold your hand out to him to take the bottle back and he frowns at your empty glass.

“Oh no, Darling. This stuff is not for mortals.” He laughs and holds the bottle out of your reach. 

“Come on, Lokes. Just the one, I'll be fine!” You bat your eyelashes at him with your best innocent look but he holds firm with an amused smirk on his face. “Fine,” you huff crossing your arms when an idea pops into your head, “Thor would have let me.” 

The smirk falls right off his face, you watch as his internal battle plays out on his face. On the one hand you know he doesn't think it's a good idea, on the other you know he doesn't want to be out done by his brother. You grin at him and he gives you a resigned look.

“Slow sips, do you understand me?” He pours a shots worth into your glass. 

You pull him to you laughing and kiss him on the cheek. He shakes his head at you again, a smile playing on his lips before stepping around you to put the bottle back himself, clearly not trusting you enough to hand it over. You turn to him, grab his hand and pull him back to the lounge. 

To your own surprise as well as Loki's you actually listen to him, taking small sips of your drink instead of shooting it like you wanted to. The group begins to tire and some drop to the sofas while others bid you goodnight and head off to bed. You ask FRIDAY for the time and she quickly informs you it's almost 3am, a groan falls from you and you rest your head on the back of the sofa. You finish off your drink, delighting in the slight burn it leaves in your throat. You wish you'd convinced them to let you try this stuff before. It's not quite the same feeling as being drunk, it's like every worry of consequence has been erased from your brain. Every thought that swims through your brain is only greeted with best case scenarios and positivity. Your eyelids begin to droop shut and Loki gives you a nudge.

“Time for bed, Pet.” 

As much as you want to hold onto this feeling you know he's right. You grab your phone from inside your bag, knowing it'll need charging but leave the bag itself next to your shoes when he pulls you up from your spot on the sofa and leads you to the lift. Once inside he pushes the buttons for both your floors.

“Are you going to be all right sorting yourself out in this state?” He cocks an eyebrow at you.

“I'm just fine, thank you very much.” You frown at him much to his amusement. 

The doors draw open at his floor, he pulls you for a quick hug, “straight to bed, I don't want to find you drowned in your shower in the morning. I'd rather not be scarred for the rest of my particularly long life.” You push him away with a laugh and he slips out of the lift. 

You lean against the wall of the lift, the cool steel feeling nice against your back you drop your head back against it. You close your eyes and finally let your mind drift back to Tony. That pull in your gut returning at full force. You open your eyes as the elevator pings it's arrival at your floor, doors sliding open. You stare into your lounge and know you should go to bed but your feet refuse to move. You fiddle with your phone, debating whether or not to text him, not noticing when the doors slide closed leaving you inside.

“Do you require assistance Miss?” FRIDAY's voice startles you into a decision.

“No, I'm good, thanks FRIDAY.” With the liquor still thrumming in your veins you hit the button for Tony's floor instead.

The second the elevator arrives you're pushing yourself off the wall, walking determinedly towards his room until you note the music coming from the other direction. Quickly changing course, you make your way to the small lab Tony installed purely for something to do. You pull up short as you catch sight of him through the glass door. His shirt hanging open, stained with smudges of black, revealing an equally stained vest top clinging to his stomach. 

Your bare feet pad slowly and silently across the cool floor as you watch him. His brow furrows as he inspects his work, whiskey in hand he shuffles papers, leaving more black smudges on everything he touches. He pulls up a holographic blueprint, zooming in, pulling parts out to replace them with another. A smile pulling at his lips he nods and vanishes the display.

You hear the Irish lilt of FRIDAY's voice over the music and his gaze snaps up to meet yours. You eye each other for a second before he looks away and continues with his work. Your brow furrows and you're about to turn to leave when the volume of his music lowers and you hear him call through the glass.

“You know it's easier to see what I'm doing from inside the room” you narrow your eyes slightly but push through the door anyway. 

"Well look who I found." You grin and he smiles up at you, moving aside to give you room.

Slipping around the work bench you stand shoulder to shoulder with him and try to figure out what he's working on. You bend closer subconsciously as you inspect the small metal part. Putting your phone to the side, you lift the part up and try to match sections to the blueprint laid out on the table. Out of the corner of your eye you watch Tony set his drink down, feeling his eyes on you, you turn your head towards him.

“I've got nothing.” You laugh and he grins at you, “what is it?”

“That would be telling,” he smirks, picking up whatever his latest contraption is and moving it aside. “Why aren't you in bed? It's late.” He quirks an eyebrow at you with a lopsided smile.

“I could ask you the same thing since you left the party so early.” You tilt your head and look at him expectantly but he doesn't respond, averting his gaze under the pretence of tidying the worktop. You look around at the chaotic mess of the rest of the lab before switching back to watch him shuffle blueprints into a pile. 

“Didn't you want to dance with us?” _Me _ your brain self corrects.

“I hadn't had nearly enough drink for that,” Tony laughs

With the aid of the alcohol in your system you slip into your flirtiest voice, “You need to be drunk to dance with me?” 

Tony snaps his eyes back to yours with an unreadable expression. Well, you may have been able to read it if your brain wasn't quite as fuzzy. He clears his throat.

“You were... otherwise engaged.” He averts his gaze again and you frown at him confused. 

“Do you really think I wouldn't have danced with you?” 

“I'm not sure the Prince of darkness would appreciate it if you had.” 

Your frown deepens with your confusion then a chuckle falls from you that turns into a full laugh as the realisation hits you. He glowers at you making you laugh harder. With a huff of frustration he shoves away from the worktop turning away from you. You grab his wrist gently and he stops but doesn't turn back to you. You school your expression, suppressing your laughter.

“Tony... Loki is my friend. Nothing more.” You say gently.

You shift around him to make him face you, his face is guarded but his posture relaxes slightly. You realise suddenly that you're standing very close to him with your hand still wrapped around his wrist, you slip your fingers down to entangle with his. He stands stock still as you lift your free hand, grazing it gently up his arm before brushing his hair back from his face. Tony's eyes flutter closed as he leans into the touch. When he opens them again the walls are down, he raises his own hand to squeeze yours gently, bringing it back down to your side but keeping hold of it. 

“Seemed like more than that in the kitchen.” He says it quietly, almost as if he hates himself for even saying it. 

You wrack your brain to figure out what he could be talking about. You had been sure he'd gone before you'd kissed Loki's cheek in the kitchen but can't think of anything else that would have given him that impression. You frown before catching the look on his face. If he didn't look quite so vulnerable you probably wouldn't even dignify him with a response but you find yourself softening, smile gently at him you shake your head.

“You mean when I kissed him on the cheek right?" Tony sighs and you watch as he clearly mentally berates himself. Taking pity on him you continue, "he'd just agreed to let me have some of Thor's liquor. I was excited. If it had been Wanda or Nat, instead of Loki, would you still have cared so much?” 

Tony looks away, feet shuffling slightly as he murmurs, “Probably.” 

“Wow... is the great Tony Stark... jealous?” You laugh and his eyes flit back to yours, your relieved to find the humour back behind them.

“Who me? Never.” His lips twist in an attempt to keep his smile at bay. 

“Never thought I'd see the day.” You smirk at him, finding yourself drawing closer to him. 

Tony slips one of his hands from yours to settle it on your waist, thumb drawing small circles over the material of your dress. You're so close now that with a deep breath your chest would brush against his. You trail your free hand up over his hip, skimming over the tiny bit of exposed skin where his top has ridden up. His breath catches slightly and his eyes burn into yours. Pulling you against him gently, he leans forward slightly but pauses as something pieces together in his mind.

“Wait, did you say you had some of the Asguardian stuff?” His eyes flick between your own, searching.

“Yea, and I had to trick the God of tricks to get it.” You grin and Tony eyes slip shut, resting his forehead against yours, he sighs.

“Fuck,” he whispers to himself.

“What? Has Thor not let you have any yet?” 

You chuckle leaning back a bit, dropping your gaze to Tony's lips. Your heart racing you lean back in slightly but he pulls away from you. You stumble slightly, blinking at him in confusion. Tony removes his hand from your waist, running it over his face, he tilts his head back with a groan. 

“Come on,” he pulls you along with him, your eyes light as you realise your heading towards his room. 

Tony's room, in utter contrast with his lab you note in surprise, is spotless. Cream polished stone floor tiles, a shaggy rug softening them, complementing the dark wooden panelling along one wall that blends seamlessly with the headboard of the enormous bed. Opposite is a wall of windows, giving you an unbeatable view, looking out over the twinkling lights of the city. 

You let your hand slip from Tony's and drift through the room to the large wooden desk standing against the far wall, cluttered with tech well beyond your skill level. You trail your fingers lightly over the shelves above the desk, smiling to yourself at the photos perched there. Happy red faced punching a member of the paparazzi, A drunk Rhodey frowning, attempting to push away the camera with what looked to be whiskey spilt on his shirt and lipstick on his cheek, an old slightly crinkled photograph of Tony's parents looking at each other lovingly and a face down frame. Picking up the frame you turn it in your hands, your heart hurts a little when you see the photo inside. The faces of Bruce, Thor, Steve, Nat, Clint and Tony smile up at you from the frame; each one of them looking relaxed and happy, arms slung over each others shoulders. With a sigh you tear your eyes away from them, prop the photo up on the shelf and move over to the window to stare out over the city.

“It's beautiful,” you whisper breaking the silence. 

“Beautiful.” 

The reverence in his voice forces you to turn to face him, to see his eyes full of adoration. He hasn't moved from the spot where you left him, his whole presence radiates warmth and it triggers that feeling from deep within you. You clasp your hands together to stop yourself from fidgeting under his watchful gaze but you couldn't break eye contact if you tried. Finally Tony ducks his head, raising a hand to rub the back of his neck and chuckles to himself. 

“Go on, bed,” Tony directs, turning away from you to head into the bathroom.

A fire lights within you and you stay for a second trying to sort your thoughts on how you want to play this. Feeling emboldened, no doubt by the alcohol, you start to slip your dress off. Tony returns in his boxers with a fresh vest just as the material falls from your hips to the floor.

“Woah!” He averts his eyes.

Practically diving to grab a clean tee shirt from one of his draws. He tosses it to you and turns his back muttering curses under his breath. The top hits you in the stomach and drops to the floor when you fail to catch it. You bend to pick it up, eyeing Tony's back with knitted brows. You stare at the shirt for a few seconds, a smile tugging at the corner of your lips. _ AC/DC, should have guessed._ Shrugging you pull it over your head and after what Tony clearly determines as long enough he turns back to you. His breath hitches slightly and he coughs letting out a frustrated noise you'd almost call a whimper and you swear you hear him mutter, “how is that almost worse”. Your confusion must still be evident on your face because he smiles and rolls his eyes at you. 

Coming towards you he gently clasps your hand again, tugging you towards the bathroom. He pats the counter, indicating for you to sit and you do. The marble counter top, cold on your bare legs, makes you shiver. Tony steps away from you for a second and your head drops, eyes drooping shut as the room moves around you. _What is it about bathrooms that always reminds me just how much drink I've had? _

Tony's soon back, his hand lifting your chin and your eyes flutter open again. He's standing at your knees and your pulse quickens. You subconsciously part your legs for him and he freezes for a moment, an internal battle playing out on his face before he slips between them. He lifts a damp wash cloth to your face and starts taking off your make-up. You frown at him again and his eyes crease as he gives you a soft look in return.

“That'll probably be ruined now, you know?” He laughs as he wipes over your jaw.

“Pretty sure I can afford a new one.” Pursing his lips to hide his smile. 

He rinses the cloth each time coming back to meticulously rid you of your make-up. He moves your face occasionally to get a better view of what he's doing and you let him. You close your eyes again and soak in the feeling of him. Calloused fingers trailing over you jaw, warm and tender. It takes you a second to realise when he stops, opening your eyes again you see him regarding you affectionately. He steps back, giving you room to hop off the counter, slips his fingers between yours and leads you back into the bedroom.

He pulls back the plush covers for you and you slip into his bed, fully expecting him to follow you, you can't hide your surprise when he pulls them back up over you. He perches on the edge of the bed, reaches out a hand and cups your face. Your heart swells and your lids flutter closed once more. Cosy in bed your body finally starts to give in to the tiredness you'd been fighting in the bathroom. Tony's thumb brushes over your cheek, you hear him sigh and feel the mattress shift as he rises, pulling his hand away from you. You reach out to him, somehow finding his wrist with your eyes closed.

“Stay” He pauses so you keep hold of his wrist and whisper, “please”. 

Your uttered plea is enough to break his resolve and he slides under the covers with you. He stills slightly when you cuddle into him but soon shifts so his arm is under your head. You snuggle into his shoulder resting your hand on his chest as he wraps an arm around you. That unnameable feeling floods through you and you let his warmth soak into you, breathing in the smell of him. 

You hear Tony murmur “as you wish,” as he brushes a feather-light kiss into your hair and you smile to yourself as you drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Next chapter is in progress so hopefully wont be a huge wait for that one. As always comments and kudos give me life so if you feel like dropping one they're greatly appreciated!


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